Giant Walrus Noises

Ressurected in New Cap City

2010-11-09T18:57:00.003-07:00

Wow, it's been almost 2 months since my last post. Not that all three of you haven't been able to find something else to read ;)

In any case, this was worthy of bringing the mostly dead blog back for three reasons. First, it's in honor of Caprica being cancelled, a not entirely unsurprising event. Second, it's a sketch clip from Attack of the Show on G4, a channel I now longer get thanks to Directv and their asshole execs (which has a whole other rant at some other time). Thirdly and most importantly, It's got Alessandra Torresani in all sorts of Cosplay goodness and needs to be spread as far and as wide as possible.

Video Game - E3 2011 - Comedy

"Starbirds are breaking into our Destroyer, so we should get to unleashing the 5th Element." Best. Pickup. Line. Evar.

Also, that Slave Outfit has got to be in the top 5 greatest inventions.

Mixed signals

2010-09-08T13:46:00.004-06:00

While I was looking into gifts from PBS, I came across this site. It's a blog about the prevention of teen suicide, a very worthy cause. The curious thing though, is the picture they decided to have on the site:

Maybe it's just me but it looks like a suicide pact to jump off a cliff. Nothing like discouraging kids from suicide by making it look fun. Is it supposed to be ironic? Who exactly chose this picture to represent the prevention of teen suicide?

Co-op Cake

2010-08-30T08:00:00.000-06:00

As if I wasn't excited enough about Portal 2, the newest clip made me wet myself a little bit:

PC Games - E3 2011 - Portal 2

I've always had a love/hate relationship with online games. I love when they can be Co-op, hate the other stuff. With this clip, March can't come fast enough.

To Tom-Tom listen you must

2010-08-27T10:46:00.001-06:00

This just may be worth getting a Tom-Tom unit:

Or for a set of directions to the dark side of GPS, the Vader Tom-Tom voice.

Busting a fakie ollie through a Portal

2010-08-16T12:30:00.000-06:00

I'm not one that normally enjoys snowboarding videos, and I hate the X games. However, this was worth sharing, if only for the retro gaming references (and one not-so-retro reference).

Always a plus when a skater punk gets disintegrated...

Indie attitude

2010-08-13T06:52:00.002-06:00

I love indie games. I try to play as many as possible. From brain-benders like Braid, to light flash games like Home Sheep Home, The Atomic Puzzle, Boomshine or Obechi (If you can't tell, Kongregate is one of my favorite time waster sites)

Anyway a relatively new one is on my radar (and thanks to the weekend Steam sale, in my possession), Gratuitus Space Battles. It's a game that boils the RTS game down to the battles, supposedly eliminating the resource gathering/unit building that can be the down side of most RTS games.

Anyway Cliff Harris was recently at the Develop Conference in England, participating in a panel of indie developers discussing "microdevelopers". Cliff was talking about the advantage of being a one man studio with the ability to support users on a one on one basis. As he discusses here, Marc Rein from Epic games loudly snorted derisively at this concept. Showing how larger companies really feel about their individual gamers. Not that Epic is really that epic in my mind, The Gears of War series is a piece of crap shooter that they keep re-releasing over and over.

Cliff sums it all up in his blog with a direct, "[Big] studio bosses trying to lecture me on how to communicate better with gamers? Fuck off.". Awesome, if I hadn't already bought his game I would anyway.

I laugh at your Roomba

2010-08-09T07:52:00.001-06:00

Robot scientists are simultaneously advancing our lives and bringing us closer to our robot overlords (if the zombies don't kill us all first)

From the awesome folks at AotS, comes this Robot News report. This report starts with the creepiest damned thing I've ever seen in my life and ends with the most awesome:

Game Reviews - E3 2011 - Robot News

Seriously, it's a good thing the first one doesn't have legs or arms, I know it can't come after me too fast to eat my face. As far as the last robot? Really?!? Miller?!?! What a waste of beer-delivering technology...

Z-plan must have

2010-08-02T17:33:00.004-06:00

From the people at Bestmadeco.com comes the next thing that every zombie apocalypse survivor must have, the Axe Sling.

Before now it was impossible to arm yourself with a double barreled shotgun and subcompact machine pistol at the same time while staying prepared for that inevitable gun jam or running out of ammo. For a mere $165, that's now a reality.

I think Max Brooks would be proud to know that companies are taking his advice...

Comicon Oddness

2010-07-24T20:35:00.002-06:00

AoTS did a piece at Comicon about the weird collectibles. While the last one is simply cool (and Allison obviously has never camped), the first is definitely the oddest:

Video Games - E3 2011 - AOTS Exclusive

"Because tomorrow may never come." Awesome...

World Agricola

2010-07-12T09:37:00.000-06:00

Those who play Agricola will get this, sorry to those that don't other than it's yet another world Cup joke, but I'm not a proud person....

Not really sure why it takes a brick to build. Maybe so you have something to throw at the person playing it...

I'm sorry Dave, you suck.

2010-06-25T10:00:00.000-06:00

Starcraft 2 is about to be hopefully released! While there has been a lot of controversy about Blizzard's policies, it's still an exciting deal and Blizzard knows it. Now even software developers are jumping on the real money makers - Moichendizing!

The official Starcraft 2 hardware is available through Razer. Now you can own a mouse, keyboard and headset that have a backlit Starcraft 2 logo. Seriously, only noobs use a regular mouse (or those that don't have $320 to spend on them).

I have to admit, they're very cool. Come on, the keyboard flashes red when your base is being attacked! How cool is that? It does more too, the LEDs glow different colors depending on how well you're doing at the game. They flash green, yellow or red based on how many actions a minute you are using.

Great, now in addition to having my sexuality questioned by a 12 year old, my mouse will also let me know how bad I suck.

Interesting priorities

2010-06-18T10:00:00.000-06:00

I always get a kick out of the wall ads in bars in the bathrooms. This one especially tickled my fancy ( and not in that way Snarky). It's for a local Harley-Davidson dealership that's displaying their 1000 mile service program and all the parts that are serviced. Note what #1 is:

That's right, their very impressive 28 point service program starts with the latch of the saddle bags.

Awesome.

Drumming tips

2010-06-07T17:13:00.003-06:00

Maybe this is why I suck at the drums on Rock Band (jump to the 1:00 mark):

I'm totally going to trip playing this way next time. Although it will most likely result in me ruining another of the Doctor's drum set, but it's all in the name of rock right?

It's called playtesting

2010-05-31T09:51:00.000-06:00

The newest game from Rock Star, the folks who brought us Grand Theft Auto, is Red Dead Redemption. It's a western sand box shooter/adventure game. It's on my radar, but only when it comes out for the PC.

In any case, there have been a few dedicated fans that have uncovered a few glitches. I'm not talking about invisible walls or bad cameras, I'm talking about things like flying bird people, talking dog gunslingers and viscous cougar men.

What kind of play testing did this game actually get? I have no idea how much time Youtube user Wheredabootz spent to find these glitches, but it still seems like a playtester should have found them first.

While they're all slightly creepy, this is my favorite:

WTF?

How many words are in BASTARD?

2010-05-26T08:56:00.005-06:00

A while back DrHeimlich introduced me to WordMix, available on the Droid phone. It's an incredibly addictive little word game that is one of the few apps I've actually purchased. Wordmix scrambles a six letter word, then asks you to find all the possible words. My wife loves it just as much, she always wants to borrow my phone to play while we're driving. I find myself playing a round or two almost every day, certainly more than I should be. This is certainly TMI, but it's almost a necessity in the bathroom now.

What's arguably more disturbing, is that it has started to affect my reading. Thanks to this gorram game, I can't make it more than a few pages without dissecting a six letter word I come across looking for other words. I've caught myself staring at a word on the page for a few minutes before realizing I was actually reading to read the book. Fortunately, it hasn't gotten so bad that I feel the need to put the book down, pick up my phone and start playing....YET.

In the end, I feel I must send a large nod of thanks for introducing me to this game, and an even larger nod of hate to go along with it...

Multitask Hell

2010-05-07T10:53:00.003-06:00

Here's a "fun" little time waster. Multitask is just that, how long can you go while the game adds various tasks to keep track of.

It starts easy - balance a ball with the left and right arrows, then avoid spikes with the up/down arrows while balancing the ball. Next comes moving a square to a target in using the wasd keys while ball balancing and spike dodging, and so on....

So far I can't get above 61 seconds - about a second into the fourth "task"...

Pickup Cookies

2010-04-23T10:23:00.001-06:00

The "fortune" found in my cookie after we ordered Chinese for dinner the other night:

We've apparently completely abandoned the concept of fortunes. Now I get pick-up lines, and not even a good one.

For those who like to wait

2010-04-12T08:54:00.001-06:00

Lately we've become pretty addicted to the Bertolli Skillet dinners. They're tasty, quick, and can be fixed in a skillet or in the microwave. Of course microwaving it usually only saves about two to three minutes, then there are the occasional meals from Opposite Land:

I have to wonder why microwaving this meal takes up to twice the time in a microwave...

Massively Underwhelming

2010-04-06T11:49:00.000-06:00

A few months ago, Bioware released Mass Effect 2, a highly anticipated sequel to Mass Effect. I managed to finish it a while ago and my final impression was a very palpable, "Meh."

As with all Bioware games, the story is awesome. You can event import your character from the first game to get little NPC nods about your prior achievements.This has some interesting effects, if you happened to keep your Mass Effect save game. "Who the Hell did that?", you may ask and I would be right there with you. Fortunately a few people have created a database of all the possible save games available. Unfortunately, these nods are literally that, nods. A character may make a reference in passing to your first game experiences. That's it, no actual storyline changes, no impacts on the game, nothing. All things considered, it was pretty weak. Also, as with all Bioware games, there's tons of possible sex - though this time in a ABC family theater way. It was really pretty lame this time around.

Gameplay is lack luster. Each mission is a Xerox of the one before it. While there were minor story differences, the missions all had the same basic feel; Go Here-Fight-Go There-Fight Some More-Go Back. Rinse and repeat. While some of them had an interesting moral choice, most had the same vanilla feel about them. The most "interesting" thing about the missions were the ridiculous number of times that I got stuck on invisible walls or crates. The collision detection is horrible. Four or five times I found myself stuck on top of a barrier that I couldn't jump off of, forcing a restart of the mission. It was frakking irritating, especially since this is a basic issue that should have been caught in testing.

In Mass Effect, the player had to land on random planets and drive around in a Tonka/Weeble wobble car to collect resources for upgrades. In Mass Effect 2, the player has to mine minerals from various planets around the galaxy. This is interesting for about 24 seconds. After that it becomes one of the most tedious things I've ever done in a game. At one point I actually fell asleep doing this. I'm. Not.Kidding.

Plus, for some reason, Bioware decided to take a step away from the traditional RPG weapon comparison/selection. In ME2, you have the same basic weapons, and earn upgrades as the game progresses (see previous chapter). During all of the upgrades, however, the game never tells you the actual stat differences. You never know which weapons are more accurate, or do more damage.

In the end Mass Effect 2 was extremely disappointing in almost every way. The storyline was awesome, but I could have gotten that from the wiki page, and should have. Unlike the other Bioware games, I had absolutely NO desire to replay it and see the other endings, again Wiki was just fine with me.

Let me tell you, I can't wait to not spend my money on Mass Effect 3...

Aw, aren't Doc Brown's kids just the cutes....What the HELL?

2010-04-03T19:33:00.005-06:00

The Back to the Future movies are some of my all time favorite movies. Thanks to those hyper-observant people on the interwebs, part three has a whole new meaning to me. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've seen the three movies, but have never noticed this:

Is it a request for a pee break or is Little Verne asking Elizabeth Shue for a Journey to the Center of the Earth??

Upping the Redneck Ante

2010-03-12T14:51:00.007-07:00

Considering the neighborhood I live in, I MUST have this...

"Many people have bought one for both sides of the bed." What a great idea! I'm going to get one for each couch too.

A niche I didn't know needed filling

2010-03-05T14:30:00.001-07:00

I know that a lot of people don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom. It's a sad, ugly truth of life. Anything that can be done to encourage these lazy folks I'm all for, I just don't know how effective this would be:

Plus it wasn't one of those hand sanitizer dispensers. It was full of liquid soap and the only water to rinse the soap off was right in front of you. There was no sink in the stall.

So, if someone is too lazy to go all the way to the sink to wash their hands, how will this help?

I also love that they spent the money for this random soap dispenser, but can't afford a lip to the tank. Nice plywood!

And while we're talking about random things in bathrooms, this one is in a local bar:

WTF? I don't want to know what electrical appliance goes there....

Cautiously Optimistic

2010-03-02T14:48:00.000-07:00

Well the wait wasn't as long as I thought it would be. Barenaked Ladies' first album since co founder Steven Page left, All in Good Time will be released at the end of March.

Overall I'm excited, but cautiously so. I have liked every every album released they've released so far, certainly some more so than others. IMHO Gordon is still the mark to beat with Stunt a close second, but all nine albums have something that I really like. While I like Ed's voice and writing, I do feel that Steven was the major influence/source of the best music that BNL produced.

The big disappointment already is that they're not coming to Denver. Big time suck.

However, speaking of Steven, his new album The Vanity Project is already out. I downloaded it, but haven't had a chance to fully listen to it yet. though, from what I've heard so far, I like!

Wastin' away

2010-02-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

Got too much time on your hands? Need to fill the mind numbing parts of the day?

I present to you, Continuity! Continuity is a great little flash game that combines running, jumping and slide puzzles.

But beware, I stayed up WAY past my bedtime trying to finish all 32 levels.

You've been warned.

THAT'S how it's done.

2010-02-04T00:50:00.007-07:00

Below is page one of the assembly instructions for Beemer's Winnie the Pooh Ship:

And page 2:

Seriously? I suppose I can forgive the instructions for assembly. Some people may not know where a mast goes on a ship, but how to play with the toy? Do today's kids really need to be told how to play with something? If so, this is the best they can come up with? Rock the cannon back and forth and move the crows nest up and down? Wait there's more! Try it with and without Pooh!)

Chocolatey pagan death!

2010-01-31T20:07:00.002-07:00

I'm not a huge doughnut fan, but I have to say I'll try Voodoo Doughnut next time I'm in Portland.

Number one on my list to try is the Voodoo Doll doughnut, a raspberry blood filled man with a stake through the heart.

Of course the Memphis Mafia (a glazed banana fritter with peanut butter, chocolate sauce and chocolate chips) sounds pretty damned good too..

Finally!

2010-01-28T11:07:00.003-07:00

One of my all time favorite video games has been released through Steam! Psychonauts can be downloaded and better yet, it's $2!!!

It's a true platformer, and one that was built for the Xbox. As such, I have no idea what the ported version's gameplay will be like. However, how can I NOT get it?!

While it makes me a little sad that it's inglorious run has come to this, I'm super excited to get it again. I misplaced my Xbox copy and haven't been able to find another.

"If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up."

What does illiterate mean?

2010-01-26T11:20:00.008-07:00

I know I've been a bit lax about posting lately, and I do plan to try to get to it more often. Certainly not as much as DrHeimlich, but more often than I have lately (can't disappoint my 3 readers).

In any case, after reading this I had to throw my 2 cents in.

Apparently the school district of Menifee, CA has pulled the 10th edition of Websters Dictionary because a parent complained that their child found the phrase "oral sex". What kills me is that the school actually responded to her crazy complaint. The district has since ordered an investigation to determine if the books should remain off the shelves.

Really? What other words are cause for concern? They claim that "other dictionary entries defining human anatomy would probably not be cause for alarm", but where does this end? Cunninglingus and fellatio have always been in there, what about them? Maybe it's just that those are more than one syllable and the dumb bitch can't understand them. What about decapitation, massacre and dismemberment, are those as offensive? Probably not, we see those on TV every day (and should IMHO) . How about cock and prick? I know that we live in a puritanical society, but isn't it the job of a parent to explain these things to a child? Certainly, it's easier to just pretend that it doesn't exist, and simply cover our children's ears and eyes at everything offensive. That's what parenting is all about right? What's easiest for us as parents.

Plus, if the kid is able to look it up in a dictionary, chances are they've probably already come across it online. Next they're going to remove goatse and dirty sanchez...

Accurate Weather

2009-12-23T13:48:00.002-07:00

Best weather site out there.

http://www.tomscott.com/weather/starwars/

Well, it would be without the Ep. I references for San Francisco...

Puzzling Times

2009-12-18T11:33:00.004-07:00

In my absence from blogging, I've had the opportunity to finish a few more games. Some were new, some not so much.

Braid was next in line. Braid is a simple little side scrolling puzzle game that tells the story of Tim and his quest to save his princess love. At its core, not the most original of plots. However the way the game tells the story is very original. It's told through the various jigsaw puzzles that the player assembles with pieces earned as the game progresses.

I use the term "simple" to mean that it's simple to play. Its controls are very basic, which does ad to the game's charm. However, while Tim is easy to control, the puzzles of each level are pretty diabolical. The levels are all based on Tim's ability to rewind and fast forward time. This is easily the hardest game I've ever played, but it's also my favorite puzzle game.

The game is absolutely gorgeous. The graphics are designed to give you the feel that you're playing in the very paintings you're collecting. The game succeeds wonderfully here. You can almost smell the paint in the moving clouds and features.

Overall it's a game I highly recommend. Of course I'm just the latest of a long line of people that have raved about this game. So really, this blog post is old news.

An Excellent Adventure

2009-11-02T17:07:00.001-07:00

This makes scary sense:

Thanks AOTS

Whips, swords, geometry and physics.

2009-09-03T10:42:00.002-06:00

As part of my recent attempt to move away from shooter video games (at least until I can no longer resist Wolfenstein), I downloaded a few indie games, Trine, Braid and Ceville. First up, a little game called Trine. It's a side scrolling platformer, a genre that I normally stay away from. This time, however, I was pleasantly surprised.

In Trine, players control one of three characters; a Knight, a thief and a wizard. Each has their own abilities, the thief can swing from point to point a la Indiana Jones, the Wizard can create various geometric shapes, boxes, triangles that float and platforms and the Knight smashes. At any point players can switch between each character. Supposedly, each level can be passed solely be each character, though there are a few moments I seriously doubted that.

The game is absolutely gorgeous. The backgrounds are rendered in full detail, sometimes so much so that you want to jump to the bridge back there. It's part of a recent trend called "2.5D", an invented term to designate that the backgrounds are 3D. Really it's just to make you think you're not buying a side scrolling game.

The game play is very solid, each character does offer a unique way to solve the puzzles. The thief's swinging can get the player most places, but not everywhere. The wizard can geomancy his way around pretty effectively too, but can't fight. The knight is the strong arm, but also gives the player a shield to protect from various hazards. On their own, each can pass the levels. However, in order to find all the goodie filled chests and experience bottles, they must work together. The controls are basic, and using the "wasd" (or arrow) buttons in combination of the mouse took some getting used to, but works well.

As I said, each level should be passable by each character on their own. I'm definitely going to replay each character alone. In the end, this is worth taking a look at, especially for the $20 I paid for it. Plus it didn't make my brain hurt like Braid...

Ferret Gein

2009-09-02T11:46:00.005-06:00

Rob Zombie should take notes:

Wonder where I can get a tiny little chainsaw...

Quasi-evil

2009-08-16T09:32:00.002-06:00

In an effort to mix up my video gaming, I've lately tried a few non-shooter games. This is mainly because the last few shooters I've played have left me with a strong feeling of "meh".

After a successful venture into Ghostbusters,I decided to try another console port to PC, Overlord 2 since I've enjoyed other games that allow you to be the bad guy. I'm not talking about the recent fad in games that give you the "choice" between good and evil, that's just a cop out to get the player to play the game again to get a different story. This way, developers only need to produce a a game with half the content. I'm talking about games like Dungeon Keeper 1 and 2, Stubbs the Zombie, Evil Genius and the like.

Anyway, Overlord 2 left me with the aforementioned feeling of "meh". The basis of the game is that the player controls squads of minions. The minions come in four colors, each with a different ability. The Browns are basic foot soldiers, Reds are the ranged attackers, Greens the stealthy assassins, Blues the medics. The whole idea is that the player lets the minions do the fighting, which entails sending them off to the fight and watching - maybe leaving to get a beer, not real exciting. Sure, there are a few fights that take a little more direct involvement, but not many. It's trying to be an RTS, without letting that pesky strategy get in the way. The sheer number of minions that can be collected effectively voids the need to be careful. If your army is demolished, just run to the nearest Minions-R-Us, pull another out and try again. Truly the hardest part was trying to control them in areas that the Overlord can't reach. Since the minions don't go where you tell them, this is easily the most frustrating part of the game.

To make matters worse, it's yet another third person game. My sincere hope for the video gaming community is that someday there'll be a third person game that doesn't have camera issues. Overlord 2 does OK here, but there were a few moments of losing the camera behind a rock, tree or wall. This, of course, happens only during the most challenging fights. Maybe that's it, the developers of these games can only increase the challenge by forcing the player to play with the blast shield down.

In other games, being the bad guy is undeniably fun. Unfortunately this game jumps on the moral choice bandwagon. You can choose to be the bad guy and dominate everyone, or the worse guy by simply killing everyone. However, while the latter is more appealing (you are a demon after all), there is a definite reward for the former. Plus, these rewards are almost required later in the game. Basically the fun of being the bad guy is cleanly excised here. The occasional humor is the one good thing about this game. There are moments I actually did laugh out loud. The over-the-top effeminate, tree-hugging, hippie elves are a riot. However, these moments are few and far between and really not worth the whole effort.

Ah well, at least I have Monkey Island to fall back on for true laughs. D'oro the Explorer indeed...

Literal Idiocy

2009-08-06T17:33:00.003-06:00

Taking "No shirt, No shoes, No service" a bit too far:

I would have loved to hear the cops' response, if they had been called...

Mourning the death of originality.

2009-07-27T19:57:00.007-06:00

Earlier this month, Universal announced plans to turn the 80s classic arcade game Asteroids into a feature length film.

This could be pretty good as long as the movie stay true to the plot. The classic quest of a tiny Italian spaceship, working his way through field after field of space rocks to save his beloved princess-ship while collecting as many coins as possible, has to be done just right.

WTF!?

Hey Hollywood, I can come up with better movie plots than this at a fraction of the price! I have a guaranteed hit about a man in a space suit that digs under the ground, looking for alien tomatoes and newts that are threatening to destroy the world's supply of ketchup unless he inflates them to the point of bursting with a bicycle pump.

Or how about my gut busting comedy about the crew of a space ship that is constantly attacked by a race of space bugs? The crew's antics peak when one of their mates is captured by the biggest bug and hilarity ensues. Fortunately, the friend is saved and they join ships to defeat the evil space wasps.

I'll expect my check in the mail. A cool million should cover the cost of both.

You're welcome.

A Winter Summerland

2009-07-21T14:00:00.004-06:00

Last night was one of the craziest storms I've ever experienced. At one point I opened the garage door and before the door was a foot off the ground, hail was hitting the back wall. Apparently, a hurricane passed directly over us. Fortunately though, no real damage except a broken tee limb in the back yard. Though I haven't been able to check the roof yet.

Our neighborhood looks like it frakking snowed!

Keeping my fingers crossed for a healthy roof

A Hollow Series

2009-07-15T09:54:00.002-06:00

A friend recommended that I read/listen to a series of books by Kim Harrison. The series is called The Hollows and features such Eastwoodly titles as A Dead Witch Walking, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly and The Outlaw Demon Wails. How could I not take a look?

Anyway, the series is set in a world where vampires, werewolves, witches, pixies, etc live openly among humans. The main character is Rachel Morgan, a private eye and witch. I managed to make it through the second book, all the while fighting a case of Heimlich Syndrome, also known as Snarky Fever. Almost every minute of the book I kept arguing with myself whether to stop or not.

The main problem is that I really like the setting. The world of Rachel Morgan is well developed, and actually engaging. Supernatural creatures do live side by side with humans, but are rarely trusted. Restaurants have ratings earned by various lengths of time without a human death, convenience stores sell charms and magical remedies, there's a lot to like. The books themselves are written well, the characters are well fleshed out and evoke real emotions.

This, unfortunately, is the series' downfall for me. I hate, HATE, HATE Rachel Morgan with the undying heat of a thousand suns. She's the whiniest, dumbest, most cowardly character I've ever read. While I'll admit this is great characterization, I'd argue that the protagonist of a story should have some good attributes. Rachel Morgan has none. Maybe she grows on you, like the taste of cheap gin. I wouldn't know, I hate gin and can't see the point of drinking it until I don't feel like vomiting from the taste. Why would I do this with a character of seven books? Or maybe the point of these books is to root for her slow, agonizing death. If so, then it worked for me. Though something tells me that I shouldn't be upset that she lives through the book, every frakking time.

It's sad, really. I want to like this series, I really do. I just can't get past the rising urge to kill that I feel every time the protagonist opens her mouth.

Get Slimed

2009-07-01T11:00:00.005-06:00

A couple of weeks ago Atari released Ghostbusters: The Video Game. It's a game that I've been anxiously waiting for, so I Steamed it on release day and have been playing it quite a bit since.

Players assume the role of a new recruit that's hired as a tester for the Ghostbusters' experimental gear. Venkman wisely suggests that you shall be dubbed "Rookie", to avoid getting "too attached to the little fella in case he blows up." Thus the Ramis/Akroyd humor begins, setting the tone for the whole game.

Unfortunately, I could tell right off that I was going to be annoyed by the long load times. I know that a minute doesn't sound like a long time, but when staring at a blank screen it is. It's probably just because I'm a member of the microwave generation, I have a hard time waiting the 90 seconds for my Little Juan Burrito. Still, the load times are ridiculous - especially since some of the bosses are rather difficult and require many tries, each with a extended look at a blank screen. I've read that even on the consoles, the load times exceed 30 seconds. Once it took 45 seconds to load a minute long cutscene, just plain silliness.

Gameplay is pretty average, but in a fun way. Ghosts are fought with your proton pack, which is the heart of the game. I'll bet that any Ghostbusters fan has secretly desired to own a charged particle accelerator, second only to owning a lightsaber. As the game progresses, players get various upgrades to your proton pack and ghost traps. They actually made the one reference to Ghostbusters 2 a good thing with the slime cannon, it's a surprising amount of fun to use. The other references are even more fun, from the Sedgewick hotel and Slimer to the Stapuft Marshmallow Man. This is by far the greatest strength of the game. It's well voiced by the original cast. Even William Atherton comes back as the immutable Walter Peck.

Other aspects do detract from the game, however. Many bosses can move faster than you, making escape and dodging challenging. You can sprint, BUT only in a straight line. Add these together and I found myself throwing my headsets across the room in frustration. As is the case with many console games today, there are secret items to be found. This is fine, but if you want to go back to a level to find an item you missed, the game actually overwrites your current game! That's right, go back and you lose your current progress, so don't replay a level until you're done with the game. Brilliant. Since this is a console port, quick-saving isn't an option. reloading is by checkpoint only, frakking console ports...

Anyway, the AI is pretty good when helping you fight the ghoulies. They are accurate and support you pretty well, if you go down they're usually right there to revive you. For some reason, though, they wont help each other when they collapse. This leaves the player as the sole medic for the entire team. Once all teammates are down, the mission is failed. So, if another ghostbuster goes down, you have to stop fighting and revive him. Some boss battles are spent doing nothing but running from one fallen comrade to another.

I know it sounds like I hated this game, and I would have but for the content. The bottom line is that this is an average game with a great theme. If you're a fan of the movie, you'll probably enjoy this game immensely, especially for the $30 price tag (for the PC version). If not, you may want to rent this one.

Just don't look directly at the trap...

Parenthood

2009-06-19T15:05:00.001-06:00

I knew having a dog was good preparation for having kids. (potentially NSFW for a little language at the end)

Baby from summer of tears on Vimeo.

You wanna play catch?!

¿Qué?

2009-06-03T10:57:00.001-06:00

I just peed a little.

2009-06-01T21:31:00.004-06:00

One of my all time favorite game series is coming back for more! Monkey Island is in the works by Telltale Games, the masters behind the resurrected Sam & Max seasons and Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People. Both games were pretty damned fun (and funny), which is the greatest strength of the Monkey Island Series.

I really can't wait, so I suppose it's on to the pre order screen at Telltale. Then I just have to wait 36 days, sigh...

303-555-YUMMY

2009-05-12T18:01:00.005-06:00

Hey! you got your beef jerky all over my business cards!

Well you got your business cards all over my beef jerky!

Wait a minute...

Jumping the Real Slim Sharky

2009-05-07T10:48:00.004-06:00

At what point should a celebrity just say "Enough"? How far should a celeb has been go to revive a career? For some it's "shocking" sex tapes, others lay their hopes on reality TV. Eminem has found a new low, however. He has decided to reenter the public's eye by helping out the Punisher.

Yep, Eminem and The Punisher will team up to fight crime in the latest issue of XXL, Eminem/Punisher: Kill You.

I'm not sure who to feel worse for, Marshal Bruce Mathers or Frank Castle. I'm leaning towards the latter, I mean he lost his family and now has to put up with this decade's Vanilla Ice. No wonder he's so cranky...

For those with too much time

2009-04-25T06:19:00.000-06:00

A few time wasters for your consideration:

Rock Paper Scissors Deathmatch = The Ultimate Ro Sham Bo...OF DEATH!

For a wider variety of time wasters - Kongregate.com

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

2009-04-24T06:06:00.000-06:00

And now for something completely different, I present Crappy Cat.

I really can't tell you what to expect, except psycho cats and exploding spider-Darth-vaders.

Enjoy...

From the Road

2009-04-23T07:45:00.002-06:00

This last week I was in Michigan so that in-laws can meet the new kiddo. Sounds fun right? I was going to post daily about the trip, but that became a bit...tedious. instead I decided to sum it all up in one post. Aren't you excited?

Day One: After sleeping till 11 (Aunt watched Beemer in the morning), read the XKCD comics (500+ of the frakking things) and had marshmallow and pistachio pudding pie (Why? Right now I have no idea)

Day Two: Spent an hour and a half on the "Denver pop culture" thread at Boingboing. Started to read Penny Arcade.

Day Three: Finished Penny Arcade (they've been doing webcomics for 10 frakking years!) then found the Oddtodd has new stuff!

Day Four: Lost in the virtual wasteland that is Youtube. Then drove to Grand Rapids.

Day Five: Toured my father-in-law's slot machine factory - pretty damn cool. I realized that I need a computer controlled 10000 watt laser cutter. Took a nap.

Day Six: Last Day! Thanks to a friend, read some of the Ctrl+Alt+Del comics. I Then played online poker for a few hours. Most of the day was spent dealing with a fussy child, I think he's ready to go home now too. Or it could be the Oreo blizzard he tried last night. Finished off the day watching Unskippable.

Thank the gods for the internet, and broadband, and being home...

UnfullFEARing

2009-04-21T10:29:00.002-06:00

Needing a new gaming fix, I picked up FEAR 2: Project Origin. It was a close draw between getting it and Call of Duty: World at War (how can you go wrong with zombie Nazis?) Anyway, I decided I was looking for something more creepy and scary-fun than greatest generation fun.

Fortunately I wasn't looking for anything really new in game play. There's not a lot of difference between F2:PO and FEAR, it's basically the same game - dark hallways, bad guys, time slowing powers. The only real difference is that this time you can capture a mech! This sounded really cool at first, but ended being slightly disappointing since it's incredibly unchallenging and repetitive. Now, I was expecting to be able to blow apart thousands of replicants, yet still have to worry about the occasional rocket and EMP grenade. What I got was a barely perceptible increase of enemies, and exactly ONE lone rocket launcher that lasted about 23 milliseconds before become ground-replicant. As far as I can actually tell, it's impossible to die while in the mech suit. I actually went and sat in one and walked away to make a sammich.

This isn't to say that the game is difficult outside of the suit. While I have died, it's been more because of the mood lighting - i.e. "make it scary by endarkening". Granted I'm, on "normal" difficulty, but still - there should be some challenge even then right?

Despite all this, the game is still a hell of a lot of fun. I make light of the "endarkening" (pun intended), but it does a lot for the overall feeling of the game. I've actually been nervous to go down a hallway lit only by a sole swinging light. The scares that come are occasionally of the "BOO!" variety, but more often are preceded by uneasy sounds and an overall sense of doom. The sound ads a ton to the atmosphere of this game. Although, there are times I feel I missed something. You'll here a spooky sound and not see anything, which could be the intention. however, some of the ghosts are so subtle that's they're easy to miss - I'm sure I have at times. That being said though, there were plenty of times the game casued me to physically jump.

In the end it's basically like spending $50 for a decent horror movie. I'm on the fence as to whether this is worth it or not. If you love FPS games, and aren't looking for anything new, the game gets a recommendation. If you're looking for simply a horror experience - rent The Ring.

Baby Tales

2009-04-19T08:00:00.000-06:00

Last week I was running out the door and as I grabbed the kid, I noticed he needed a diaper change badly. Since I was already late (imagine that), I changed his dirty diaper in world record time.

Since I had done such a good job of changing him quickly, it would have been a shame to waste time washing my hands. Instead I grabbed a sani-wipe and wiped my hands clean and minutes later we were pulling out of the garage, a little late, but full of pride at my achievement.

About 5 miles down the road, it smelled like Beemer had made another dirty diaper. Sigh. However, after giving it more thought I realized that I was wrong. He wasn't the dirty one. In my haste I had gotten quite a lot of baby poo on my right hand and in my delight I had missed wiping it away.

Of course the only wipes I have are in the diaper bag, in the back. Do I have any napkins? Nope. Kleenex? Nope. Even if I did, I would just wipe the obvious stuff off, not really clean my hand. I shrugged and drove on, planning on cleaning my hands as soon as I could (being careful of what I touched - my Pepsi for one).

It's about here I realized what a mental shift parenthood brings. Before Beemer, I'm pretty sure I would have pulled over immediately and used whatever was at hand to wipe it off; grass, the car registration, my soon-to-be-roadside-trash tee shirt, ANYTHING. Of course, before Beemer I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have had poop on my hands at all, probably.

It's truly a magical time...

Oddtodd explains

2009-04-18T16:45:00.004-06:00

I've always been a fan of Oddtodd. However, I didn't know that he had done some animating for NPR. He has a series with Robert Krulwich about how carbon is causing global warming (my favorite moments are in part 4). It's actually entertaining, whether you believe it or not. But while browsing them, I found this...

22 miles east of Kit Carson huh? Hmmmm.....

Don't touch that tree!

2009-04-17T10:21:00.006-06:00

Anyone who grew up in Denver should remember such classics like Blinky the Clown, the Shane company's commercial and maybe even Celebrity Sports center.

I only bring it up because I just spent an hour or so on this thread at Boingboing.net.

Ah memories of being able to smell what kind of Jolly Ranchers factory was making that day, or spending a weekend day at Cin City, or dinner at the Organ Grinder.

And bonus points for those that can identify the image to the left...

Go in back - we DARE ya

2009-04-08T09:00:00.000-06:00

These dolls are at a bar downtown.

They sit next to a dark stairway that leads upstairs to the back bar and patio, like little demonic guardians. I tell you, no beer is worth that.

Insert firewire here, or how I learned to turn floppy disks to hard drives.

2009-04-07T08:44:00.000-06:00

I've seen some pretty cool PC case mods, some of which i might even want to try. This one, however, just makes me say W....T....F...

Yep, In a mere 29 steps you too can own a compubeaver. Why you'd want to, I have no idea.

Ah, so many innuendos to use, so little space.

Rainman makes manager

2009-03-24T16:04:00.004-06:00

All I have to say is ,"The hell?"

Silence of the Legos

2009-03-19T17:16:00.004-06:00

Thanks to AOTS, but this needs to be shared!! (NSFW)

Ah, what can't be done with Legos?

A Barenaked Farewell

2009-03-17T12:08:00.002-06:00

A few days ago my favorite band announced that one of their key members is leaving to "solo projects including theatrical opportunities".

It should be interesting to see what this does for the band. While he did write quite a few of the songs, he was by no means the sole creative mind in the band. I don't really think it will affect the songs too much. The big impact will be the loss of his voice. Ed Robertson is a great singer, but can't quite compete with Steven's voice. The good news is that it seems to be a friendly break and the band is supporting Steven's decision.

In any case I'm looking forward to future albums, one of which is being recorded this spring. Plus I wish good luck to Steven!

Sleepless babies and dead dogs

2009-03-10T11:04:00.005-06:00

The last few nights, B-Mac as decided that night time is most definitely not the time to sleep. He is clearly exhausted, but is too stubborn to admit it (a trait he obviously gets from his mother, BTW). Each night has taken 2 - 3 hours to get the little bugger to sleep. He'll doze just long enough for us to walk out of the room and he's wide awake again - sigh.

Anyway, last night I had just gotten him to stay asleep (after about 2 1/2 hours of coaxing) and it actually looked like he would stay that way. I laid his sleeping form into his crib and turned around to see the dog standing behind me wagging his tail, with an almost mischevious doggie smile. I swear he winked at me! The damned mutt then proceeded to shake his head violently, producing a huge clatter of dog tags. B-Mac was awake yet again.

I now have a lovely Australian Shepherd pelt for sale, CHEAP!

Customer Quote of the Month - March

2009-03-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

A woman on her cell phone walks in to the store and starts to wander. She's in the middle of a conversation, so I leave her be until she's done with the call. After a few minutes of discussing her hair or some other BS, AWoHCP comes up to the counter and looks at me with a "Are you going to help me or not?" look. Bear in mind she's still on the phone having a conversation.

After a mental bitch-slap I ask her, "Can I help you find something?"

AWoHCP (barely pausing in her previous conversation), "Do you have those earplugs that you can dive with?"

Me, "Yep, they're over here." I show her where they are.

AWoHCP, "I need a pair."

Me, "OK, but they come in sizes, so we'll have to measure your ear, and fit the correct one to you." In other words get the frak off the phone lady!

AWoHCP, "Ok, then what size do I need?" She then turns her head to show me her ear and tells the person on the phone about her her overly gassy labradoodle.

I use the measuring template and select a size, but then tell her, "This should work, but you really should try it on."

AWoHCP, without a pause in her inane conversation, moves the phone to her other ear, then leans her ear toward me. At this point she obviously wants me to stick the earplug in for her.

Me, "Um, you'll have to do that for yourself. I'm not sticking my finger in your ear."

AWoHCP sighs, takes the earplug and sticks it in while explaining to the poor person on the other end of the line about how loose her gassy labradoodle's stools are. She then turns to me with a look of "Well, does it work?"

Me, "OK, now you have to hum," (BTW, I'm not just frakking with her here - it's part of the fitting process), "If it's the correct fit, you'll hear the hum louder in the ear with the earplug."

AWoHCP gives me a disgusted look and says (to her poor phone partner), "SIGH, I guess I need to go. I'll call you back." She then hangs up, hums and we complete the fitting. The rest of the transaction went fine. After paying, she hadn't taken 5 steps before she was back on the phone.

Now I'll admit I can't really remember what her conversations were about, but I do know it was all inane chatter. The conversation was certainly one that could have been paused for 5 minutes to be polite and get what she needed done. This is why I have a pet peeve of people and their cell phones. I'm all for them personally, I have one too. But I think it's incredibly rude to walk into a store while on the phone - I always try to finish my call before I walk in. Ah well, another day, another dollar.

Although I do like gassylabradoodle.com...

For the Math geeks...

2009-03-03T11:00:00.003-07:00

Happy Square Root Day!

Yep a day that only comes 9 times every century. Party up, or at least as much as you math types party.

You know, grab an appletini and rotate 4th dimensional objects through 7th dimensional space...

Good times....good times...

From the mouths of babes

2009-02-17T00:34:00.003-07:00

And this is why I'm planning on introducing my child to the Wii ASAP:

I would kill to get that laugh!

The "Real" Reason

2009-02-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

OK, personally I think the whole Digital V upgrade is ri-god-damned-diculous. However, it's happening and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I do, however, have to wonder how much it's costing the government. The cost of the "coupons" to get converter box alone must be billions of dollars. That's

I'm not even really sure what the impetous is behind the change, so I googled it. My favorite response is here. According to this guy, the reasons are two-fold. First, It allows the government to more easily manipulate the images coming to our sets. Second, it's so the government can keep tabs on us by watching us through little cameras built into the TV. That's right, according to these crackpots, every TV built since 1995 has the ability to transmit as well as receive. Not only that, but the bastards in Washington have added mini cameras in the screens!

I guess I better stop "watching" those late night Cinemax movies...

Eye of the beholder

2009-02-10T15:00:00.005-07:00

An "artist" brought this into our shop to see if we wanted to buy it for decoration. The boss, not being hard-of-seeing, politely declined. We are however displaying it for her to see if anyone wants to buy it.

I suppose someone may want to buy it, but frankly it looks like my son did it - and he's 3 weeks old!

The best part? She wants $335 for it! And yes, that's US dollars, believe me, I checked...

Virtual Darwinism

2009-02-06T08:58:00.001-07:00

Researchers at the University of Durham have modded the Source engine (Half Life 2) to be used in simulations for real world scenarios. During testing, researchers used a model of their rooms to simulate a fire and run people through evacuation routes.

It's an attempt to use video game technologies in the real world. Apparently one that works pretty well, for most people. Apparently those that are gamers, and used to "simulations" blew the study results. Gamers that were part of the study would run through burning doors to see what happened.

as a friend commented, "Why not just camp in the corner with horded health packs and wait it out?"

Customer Quote of the Month - February

2009-02-01T07:45:00.001-07:00

Customer looking at fins, "Do these come in pairs?"

I wish I was kidding...

EA's got bloxie

2009-01-30T08:39:00.002-07:00

EA recently announced the sequel to y favorite Wii game to date, Boom Blox!

It's due in the spring and will be more centered to party gameplay - which is the games strong suit, by a long shot. The game apparently will also allow user created content and online play.

The best part is that it seems that finally the blocky animals cheering you along will be interactive!

I just hope they remove the stupid shooting levels...

Even less than "Communications"

2009-01-28T12:21:00.005-07:00

Bullocks to all those claiming that our higher education system works.

UC Berkley has introduced a Starcraft Studies course. That's right, the 1998 video game is a college course now.

Students will learn about the theory of the battles and learn the computational strategies. When I first heard about this, I kinda hoped that it would have some relevance to the real world. Sadly, it doesn't seem to. It's all about the game.

Now don't get me wrong, I would have jumped at the chance to play Starcraft for a college course. Lord knows I wasted enough study time playing it's predecessors, Warcraft I and II. However, I just wonder at the implications. It's no wonder our education system is laughed at by the world.

I love that "Calculus and Differential Equations are highly recommended for full understanding of the course". Gotta make it sounds useful somehow. Truly, I can't think of any better use for my damned calculus classes.

Note: Oops. This isn't true - just a Berkely "Decal Class", apparently a student wishlist type of thing. I knew it was too good to be.

Ch-Ch-Chiahope

2009-01-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

OK I get it!! It's a historic time. We'll soon be getting the payoff of all this wonderful hope and change (right?).

But I'm tired of all the crap to "commemorate this historic time.". Coins, lithographs, signed photos and my personal favorite: the Obama Chi-Head!

Sweet christ I wish I was kidding.

It's a boy!

2009-01-23T21:53:00.001-07:00

Well, here we are after a couple of very long nights.

Brennen McKee joined us at 1:54 Wednesday afternoon! He's healthy and mostly happy. Thought, he had a hard day today, so I'm sure tonight will be another sleepless one.

I'm assuming the shock wears off at some point. I still find it hard to believe he's mine! But mostly I can't wait to play Wii with him for the first time. I already know that he'll kick my butt, but I'm good with that.

I got nothing

2009-01-20T21:09:00.003-07:00

I know it's been a while since a post - been kinda crazy.

I suppose all I have to say is:

HOLY CRAP!
I'M GOING TO BE A DAD IN ELEVEN HOURS!!!!

That is all...I'll check in after the fact...

Midget Switch and bulb thieves

2009-01-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

We've recently moved and as is the case with any new places, there are quirky features. We've been amused by some and irritated by others.

My favorite is this light switch. It's a little hard to see, but the switch is about a foot off the floor. It now happens to be behind a couch. When we moved in, I couldn't figure out what it did. Recently I replaced the bulb in a light post that's in our front yard (one that was stolen as a friend had replaced it already).

Turns out this switch operates the light post in the front yard. Nice and convenient. Anyone know a good electrician?

Karoshi fun

2009-01-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

Karoshi is japanese for "death by overwork", and apparently Japan has had it's share of workers simply dying in the office.

Sounds like the perfect premise for a flash game to me! Suicide Salaryman is just that, a puzzle game that pits you against an office. Your goal? To kill yourself of course.

It's a great time waster...

Big finger to big oil

2009-01-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I love Safeway's Gas Rewards program...

Customer Quote of the Month - January

2009-01-06T13:13:00.000-07:00

A customer had done a self-refresher session in our pool, changed in our lockers and headed upstairs. After he came upstairs I went down to close the pool and turn off all the lights. As I was finishing up, the damp diver came back down, saying, "I can't find my keys. I may have left them in the Locker room."

Me, "OK." and I wait for him to look.

DD as he enters the now-dark locker room, "Are there lights in here?"

Me, "Yep." adding silently, "We didn't have them removed in the 2 minutes you've been upstairs."

Shyah...Right

2008-12-17T09:08:00.000-07:00

I saw this ad in the bathroom at yet another local bar. What made me chuckle was the line second from the bottom. The one asking patrons to photograph the poster to get some pittance off the first class.

I don't know about anyone else, but I (normally) would never even think of pulling a camera out in the men's restroom. I know I did here, but it was because I happened to be the only one in there at the time. Which is why the photo isn't that good. I grabbed my cell phone and snapped before anyone could walk in, and I still feel uncomfortable with it.

I'm sure that it's a great way to learn kickboxing and such. However, if it's after you get your ass kicked for taking a picture near another man at the urinals, it's a little too late. It's certainly not worth the $20 or so they're offering.

Although part of me wonders, where does this rate in the list of men's room ettiquette? I'm thinking somewhere between selecting the correct urinal and "No talking"...

Ah, Phobias

2008-12-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

I can't remember where I saw this, but this seems a bit overboard to me.

I get having antigerm stuff at the sink, or even at the door. But are there SO many people afraid of the toilet that a dispenser is necessary at the toilet itself?

On the other hand, I've seem WAY too many people walk out of the bathrooms without washing their hands. I suppose the more exposure we can get these people the better...

Purloiner PSA

2008-12-02T12:34:00.007-07:00

My wife and I moved this weekend and one of the first things I wanted to do was change the locks. So we went to Home Depot to check them out. We decided to get the locks to the right (I know it's a bad picture but they're Masterlock's "Smart Key Locks"). We chose that particular lock because it can be reset by the user, no locksmith required. Sounds great right? Well, not so much - at least not if you want to actually secure your home.

I was thinking that you'd program the new lock internally, meaning the lock would have to be removed from the door and taken apart. Wrong. At the top of the directions, in bold lettering is "Install lock in door before training lock to key." At this point I assumed that the retraining must be done from the inner knob. Again, wrong.

No, to retrain this brilliance in engineering, you insert the key you'd like to work in the lock, then insert a little "smart key". This "smart key" is nothing more than a bent piece of sheet metal that slides alongside the new key. Voila! The lock is now retrained to whatever key you have and will now open the lock. Basically all a half intelligent thief has to do is spend $30 on one of these Smart Locks, take the "smart key" out and have a go!

Brilliant!

Addendum: So I was wrong - turns out the lock has to be unlocked first to re-train it. I'm still not entirely sure I'd feel safe with it though...

Customer Quote of the Month - December

2008-12-01T08:42:00.003-07:00

Me to a man dressed in motorcycle gear, "Afternoon. What can I do for you?"

MDiMG, "I'm looking for a mask and stuff. You know, stuff to snorkel in."

Me, "Ok, right over here." I proceed to explain the gear.

About 45 minutes later after I had answered all his questions and picked out gear that fit him well. I ask, "That should pretty much do it. Is there anything else you need today?"

MDiMG, "Oh, I'm not getting anything here. I'm ordering it online. I just needed to try it all on. Thanks!"

It took every ounce of my willpower to not kick the SOB in the junk. I understand getting information, but really? Ignoring that we're partially on commission, wouldn't you think that an employee would want to make a sale for the small business he works for? Would you go to a restaraunt, sit down and ask the waiter about all the items on the menu and then say, "Thanks - the chicken pasta sound good. I'm going to go home and make it right now!"?!?

I am also aware that this probably happens all the time, and I get it. The internet is cheaper for a lot of things. But to have the balls to waste someone's time and then tell them outright that you did it intentionally?

Urge to kill rising....

Now in HD

2008-11-10T11:10:00.004-07:00

I've decided that I'm going to start working on making this blog Hi Def. I have no idea how yet, but everything else is going that way so I might as well jump on the bandwagon too. HDTV and DVDs started it all, with radio following right behind.

This morning I saw a news story on the latest in liposuction surgery. Even liposuction is now jumping aboard the HD ship. That's right, hi def liposuction.

WTF? Do these doctors really think that adding a buzzword will make it sell better? I will admit however, it certainly doesn't sound like their using a vacuum on your ass.

And along those lines, I can't wait to get a Hi Def haircut...

Addendum:

Oooo Hi def magnets!

Bet you can't take just one

2008-11-07T08:58:00.001-07:00

Lately I've noticed a another disturbing trend in drug commercials ads. Apparently getting people to take one drug for each "malady" just isn't enough. Tonight, during an hour long program, I saw two different ads for drugs to fix problems not already being fixed by the first drug.

I would think if a drug isn't taking care of whatever issue someone may have, they would stop taking it and try something else. I can't imagine adding another drug, with it's own side effects, would be the answer. I also can't believe a doctor would allow this either. I thought the "do no harm" thing was taken pretty seriously.

On the other hand, with the millions that Big Pharm dedicate to buying doctors, I can see the Hippocratic Oath going out the window. Apparently "oath" doesn't mean what it used to, if it ever did. Of course Big Pharm doesn't really care about our health, just the bottom line.

Here's hoping our new executive wunderkind can see this problem when he "fixes" our health care...

Customer Quote of the Month - November

2008-11-01T08:00:00.003-06:00

A customer walks in with her 4 year old son, who happens to be wearing Batman gloves.

Coworker to Batman Gloved Tyke, "You like Batman huh?"

BGT, "Yeah, he's cool. But not as cool as Spiderman. See Spiderman's the goodguy and Batman's the badguy.

Coworker, "Really? Why's that?"

BGT, "They fight over the girls."

Coworker, "Why would want to fight over girls. Don't they have cooties?"

BGT, "Yeah they do." BGT then leans in and whispers, "But they also have BOOBS!"

A very long sword

2008-10-24T09:37:00.000-06:00

After more months than I care to think about, I'm finally finished with the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. Since I listened to the majority of the 11 books unabridged while driving, it's taken a while. I believe I've been working on this series for over well over 2 years, which speaks to the length of the books, since I spend a LOT of time on the road.

Overall it was enjoyable (obviously since I spent so much time on it), but not perfect. An epic story like this is never without its flaws and padding. While this series has nowhere near the padding as Jordan's, it does stretch things more than necessary. For example, overly convoluted magic discussions between characters that takes 20 pages is ridiculous. Any idea what, "The junction locked the azimuth to attach the proper parcels" means or what a "verification web from an interior perspective" is? Me neither and I actually read the damned series. I get the need to have certain magical effects explained to the reader, but listening to two characters debate the effect in extreme made up jargon is tedious.

Reading/listening to a series like this back to back does tend to highlight certain flaws in a writer though. Goodkind has a annoying habit of reminding the reader of certain prior events. Normally this is fine when the reader is being reminded of things that happened in other books. However, Goodkind apparently thinks his readers have the memory of a goldfish, since every book has multiple reviews of events that happened in the same book.

Despite these flaws, though, the series was pretty good. I became extremely invested in the characters, and there is some interesting social commentary there too. I have absolutely no questions about what Goodkind's opinions are on certain issues. There's a lot of preaching, which also becomes tedious at times. However, it's been especially interesting this year of all years. A lot of the themes are echoed in the current election.

Anyway, it's a little weird to be working my way through another book (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) after so long in the world of Richard Rahl. I'm very curious about the TV series that starts in November.

Customer "Service"

2008-10-23T09:26:00.002-06:00

My wife and I recently purchased some baby furniture, and had to wait for Babies R Us to order the dresser. I was called on Monday and informed that the dresser was in. The woman who left the message stressed very clearly that the dresser was preassembled and I'd need a big vehicle to pick it up.

Yesterday I borrowed the shop's van and went to pick it up. I informed the woman at customer service that I was there to pick the dresser up. I waited while she paged the furniture department to get the dresser brought up. After a minute or so, the phone behind the counter rings. The customer service woman answers it, nods and asks me, "What kind of car do you have?"

"A van." I answer.

"What kind of van?", she asks, "We want to make sure it will fit before we bring it up."

"It'll fit."

"OK, but what kind of van? We just want to make sure it will fit before we bring it up."

"I swear it will fit. Can you just bring it up?"

"Is it a big van? The dresser is one piece and we don't want to have to take it back to the back."

"The van is fine, IT WILL FIT." I was getting a bit irritated by now. I mean the frakking thing is a dresser, not a fully assembled, king sized waterbed.

"Sorry sir, but we just want to make sure it will fit in your vehicle. We don't want to have to take it back to the back if it doesn't."

"I understand that, but I'm the one that bought it. I know what size it is. It. Will. Fit."

"Is it a cargo van?"

"Yes. I guarantee it will fit."

"OK." She replies, uncertainly.

They finally brought it up and sure enough, it fit with enough space for about 6 others. By this time I was so furious I almost left the damned thing. I get that some people may try to fit a dresser in the trunk of a sedan, but CHRIST. I think that what got me the most frustrated that it was a relatively small dresser. There's not a single van in the world this wouldn't have fit in. I wanted to go back and comment on the differences of male and female spacial relations.

Another thing that got my goat was that they brought it up on a dolly. So the inconvenience of "taking it back to the back" involves rolling the dresser about 100 yards. The horror! What happened to the service part of customer service? I know that the days of the customer always being right are long gone, but this was a bit ridiculous. Or did I over-react?

A great shower.

2008-10-20T08:05:00.002-06:00

Saturday, my wife and I went to a coworker's baby shower, something I was less than thrilled about. Turns out it was actually my kind of shower. There weren't any corny games, or silly activities. It started with food and beverages (unfortunately the non-leaded variety) and socializing. There was a quick break for gifts and then the host pulled out Rock Band 2!

The rest of the shower was all about the Rock Band. It was a pretty cool change, one that made me glad we went. I of course stunk the place up, but at least there were a few that had played less than me.

I would have been more excited to go if I would have seen the invites:

Fantastic

2008-10-12T22:49:00.003-06:00

This is just for DrH, it's another really cool flash game, with physics!. It's called Fantastic Contraption, and only check it out if you want to waste a few hours/days.

Gods I love the simple, yet entertaining games. Why is it these are free and yet the pieces of crap that are available are $60 dollars? Sure they look great, but a lobotomized capuchin can play it...

Finally

2008-10-09T17:43:00.004-06:00

Finally, it's finally hockey season. Tonight the Avs start their season against the Bruins. While I'm excited that the season has started, I'm more excited for next Tuesday's game. We play the Flames, my new most-hated team.

Don't get me wrong, the Red Wings are playing too, and I'm rooting hard against them too. It's just that Bertuzzi blows goats.

RED WINGS SUCK!!
and of course the obligatory;

The Force is Weak

2008-10-08T11:27:00.004-06:00

I'll state it for the record here and now; "I will never purchase a game on release date ever again (except maybe for Starcraft 2)." Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I've been working on my thoughts on Force Unleashed on the Wii. Unfortunately that charismatic, stallion-esque bastard Yahtzee beat me to it, but so be it.

On first impression I was pleasantly surprised to find the graphics weren't horrible, as I was led to believe the Wii version would be. Granted I'm sure it wasn't as eye popping as the PS3 or 360 version, but the game play seemed to make up for it. I (like Yahtzee) felt that a lighsaber game is what the Wii was made for right?

However, it turns out the SW:TFU (an unfortunate abbreviation, thanks Heimlich) is a lightsaber game that doesn't use the lightsaber. It's actually easier to use your Force powers and leave the lighsaber part alone. The lightsaber combat is actually quite irritating. Combining bad controls with the character's annoying habit of pausing in a cool pose after every frakking swing makes this Walrus a very angry pinniped. My vision of lightsaber duels comes from Return of the Jedi and even the Phantom Menace, blurringly fast attacks and parries. Not so here, Galen seems to assume that one swing is enough and the impressive pose will strike armor wetting fear into the remaining enemies. Maybe it's just part of the Sith training. Apparently the cool-lightsaber-brandishing-pose is the first thing taught to young dark side apprentices, and must be mastered before the whole lightning and choking thing.

In any case, this led me to stop using the lightsaber at all, and turn instead to the force powers. While there are a ton of different powers, the most used are the force-push and lightning. All the others rely on certain motions with the Wiimote and don't always work. So you're left walking through level after level picking enemies up and throwing them against the wall, with the occasional lightning attack thrown in. It get's kinda boring.

As far as the "new levels available only on the Wii" (like the Jedi Temple), they're great - the first time. Unfortunately I have been back to the Temple about 5 times now, and each time it's exactly the same fight. I know storm troopers aren't known for their intelligence, but after being thrown into the ceiling the for the second time I would call in sick.

Finally, the in game camera. Words can't describe how much usually I hate third person games because of the frelling camera. This game is a perfect example of how bad game cameras can be. If you're not being attacked by something just offscreen, you're running into something that explodes. To make matters worse, occasionally enemies respawn in a corridor you just cleared. It got to the point where I could only play for about 15 minutes before I was forced to turn off the game and walk away, ensuring my TV screen remained Wiimote free.

Bottom line is I would skip this, or borrow it from some poor sap that did get it. While the storyline seems decent, it's simply not worth the alternating aggravation and boredom of this version. Just another reason I wish Lucas would die in molten, liquid-hot magma.

Gods I miss Firefly...

Lego braaaaiins

2008-10-07T09:28:00.001-06:00

This be the coolest thing I've seen done with Legos ever. These are shots from BrickCon 2008, the Zombie Apocafest:

It's an entire town overrun with wee Lego zombies, complete with a mall.

It also shows accurately shows the carnage in the mall. Again showing that the mall may seem like a good place to hold out, but it really isn't when the zombies attack.

I love the street with the Lego blood splatter. This is even more impressive when I think about how hard I have making a basic car with Legos...

All you votes are belong to us

2008-10-06T14:18:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure what to think of this, other than someone has WAY too much time on their hands:

See more gamer videos at PWN or DIE

Seriously...

Therapy that works

2008-10-04T09:46:00.000-06:00

I'm sure this has been seen before. I just think it's hilarious, and true!

Who wrote this?

2008-10-02T11:00:00.002-06:00

Fidgit.com recently posted a list of the "Top 10 moments that changed video gaming forever". While there are a few on the list I totally agree with, some are arguable and others are pure crap. The list should be "Top 10 moments from modern games that changed videogaming forever."

I agree with numbers 1, 2, 4 & 5 (I even have to grudgingly agree with #10). However, number seven has no place on the list. While I enjoyed Bioshock, the "twists" were anything but shocking. Number 6 states the same thing as #4. Both are moments in a game that had nothing to do with gameplay. They were just showing off the technology of the time.

While I enjoyed Portal (one of my all time faves), the credits (number 8) didn't "change gaming forever." It was amusing and well done, but epic? Cake jokes aside, nope.

What about that first time you powered on your Atari 2600? Why isn't Pong on this list? How about the playing a Gameboy for the first time?

And worst of all, how can the following not be on the gorram list?
"You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here." Tragic, simply tragic.

I suppose that you could argue that the list isn't too bad, assuming it was written by someone that was born in the early 90s. Damn kids today, don't know how good they have it...

Customer Quote of the Month - October

2008-10-01T08:17:00.000-06:00

Customer on the phone, "I'm a little lost. Where is your shop?"

Me, "We are about a mile south of Highway X on Y street."

CotP, "Well, I'm on Y street at a Sinclair station. Am I close?"

Me, "Um, you're about 200 yards from us. Look down the street and you'll see our big marquee sign."

CotP, "I'm looking down the street but I don't see anything."

Me, "Do you see the ambulance in the parking lot?" (Some of the folks from West Metro were next door)

CotP, "Yeah. Yeah! I see the ambulance."

Me, sighing"It's parked right next to our marquee."

CotP, "Oh, which one?" (There's only one marquee)

Me, "It doesn't matter. Just come to the ambulance, you'll see us then." I begin to pray that the ambulance doesn't leave.

CotP, "OK, I'll be right there."

I stopped looking for her after 2 hours and for the record the ambulance was there for about 30 minutes...

Wow

2008-09-26T00:41:00.001-06:00

I have nothing to add to this...

Wake me when November Ends

2008-09-23T15:15:00.006-06:00

Sweet Jebus I can't wait until November is over. As is the case with any election year (especially presidential ones) the ads are out of control. This year, though, seems worse. Maybe it's because the race is so close. Maybe because both candidates are more desperate to get into office than usual. I really couldn't say.

In any case, it makes me wonder how many people out there really are influenced by these ads. Of course every ad (for either side) states that candidate X did this, or didn't do that. How many people take the ads at face value, without considering the full story? How many voters base their vote on what they hear and see in advertising and not on individual thought?

Prime example; A radio ad came on today professing Mccain's support of stem-cell research and how much good that can do. Immediately following that was an Obama ad claiming his support for the same issue plus Mccain's supposed opposition to it. Hmmmm...

Frankly I probably don't want to know the answer to any of these questions. I'm guessing I'd either have to kill myself or hunt down all those that base their votes on political ads. You know, clean the gene pool a bit. While the latter would be a lot of fun, the former is easier. Or maybe I'll plan on spending the next 6 weeks drunk and immersed in a media free zone. Perhaps somewhere like Azeroth...

Belle

2008-09-22T09:40:00.000-06:00

Kristen Bell was on The Tonight Show a while back, here's her interview. The best part is about 5 minutes into the clip. Snarky if you haven't seen it you need to ;)

"Shoot across the room", Giggity!

Best rules of our Lives

2008-09-21T20:13:00.003-06:00

This was sent to me from a friend:

If only he could have used "September", then I'd have new lyrics to sing when I hear that damned song EVERY FRAKKING DAY...

Yeaargh

2008-09-19T12:43:00.000-06:00

Being the worthless scallywag I am, I be forgettin' it's "Talk Like a Pirate Day".

Se here be ye notice of the grorg swillin' afternoon!

Verdad

2008-09-14T09:06:00.003-06:00

A small group of friends went to Akumal last week (a little town south of Cancun). A good time was had by all, and many stories to tell. However this picture taken in the Cancun airport tells it's own story:

Nothing subtle about that!

Customer Quote of the Month - September

2008-09-04T14:13:00.003-06:00

Customer looking at our masks, "I only swim, so I'm looking for something basic."

Me, "Well, these are all more for snorkeling and diving rather swimming. Of course, that you can't use them for swimming. Just with these, your nose is enclosed in the mask."

CLaOM, "It covers your nose? How do you breath?"

Me, "Um, your mouth..."

CLaOM,"Oh".

Frikkin laserbeams

2008-08-29T10:25:00.000-06:00

Since my last technical project was relatively successful, I can't wait to try this one:

Laser Flashlight Hack! - video powered by Metacafe

Who doesn't want a handheld laser that can start fires. Now I just need some ill-tempered sea bass...

Time travelling pie thief

2008-08-28T09:00:00.001-06:00

One of my most anticipated games from E3 is The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom, an indie game scheduled to come out this year (I hope). You control time (ala Blinx) in order to steal pies. Sounds fresh and puzzleriffic!

Hell, I don't even know what platform it's going to be on, but I want it. Hopefully it will be a PC or Wii game, but if not this may even be a console seller for me.