A "Wonderful" trip

Yesterday we disembarked from the Disney Wonder cruiseliner, the "magical" place I've been trapped for the last 4 days. I find myself loving the word "disembarked", more than I ever thought I might.

Don't get me wrong, the boat is beautiful, the weather was great, and the food was both over plentiful and pretty good. The biggest drawback is that it's a Disney ship, which means that it was four days of screaming children and over-medicated, over-happy employees.

Being a Disney attraction, there were lines. Lots and lots of lines: lines for food, lines for drinks, lines for elevators, there were even lines for the gorram ketchup. I don't even want to talk about the midnight snack and dessert lines.

The crew was friendly, actually a bit too friendly. Despite what the crew kept telling me, it's not a good morning when I'm dragging a crying kid to breakfast at 7 frakking o'clock in the morning. They also had this irritating habit of announcing that day's events every 15 minutes. Fortunately most of the time it was only in the hallways (which you can hear from the cabin). We even had the luck to get a couple of announcements that the crew thought were important enough to be announced inside our cabin very loudly (and weren't really that important).

The Disney private island is insane. There's a single beach with 3 thousand people on it, all running to be the first one there and get the best spot. That makes for a lot of bleached white people crowding together. With the exception of the occasional entertaining bikini, there was a lot of scariness. Then all 3 thousand people began to attempt to snorkel - I stress the word attempt. It was quickly clear why they required everyone to wear a snorkel vest.

The last day was...short. We were supposed to leave the boat at 6AM. That's right, get up, eat and get the hell off the boat NOW! We actually had until 9:30, but there was absolutely NO sleeping in. At 6:45, they started regular in-room announcements telling us we could leave the boat.

Anyway, it's good to be back ashore. Now just another day till I'm home and away from the inlaws! Actually it hasn't been bad, just chaotic - going from no children to 3 in a few hours is a little shocking. I'm just looking forward to a few glasses of Fat Tire (which isn't available east of the Mississippi).

Mmmmmmm...Fat Tire.....

Dependency In Azeroth

This was at a email kiosk at DIA. Apparently for the completely incurable addicts out there:

If you can't see it, the upper left icon is to play World of Warcraft. You know, in case you can't wait that few hours to play WOW.

Makes me feel that my gaming "problem" is completely under control...

M.I.C.K.E.Why?

This friday we're leaving for Florida to take a 4 day cruise to the Bahamas. It's a Disney cruise (kind of a family reunion deal - chosen for the kids) and despite that I'm looking forward to some time away.

Anyway, Disney allows guests to check in online a few weeks before the trip. After doing just that, I have a few comments to make...

Disney Corp is a megalomaniacal, intrusive, scary-ass company (not that that's really news mind you). I say this because of some of the questions during the check in process. While some are understandable, passport info and birthdates and such. There was a section about what my plans were after disembarking, my choices were "Visiting another Disney attraction.", "Heading to the airport" and "Other". These question are understandable if I was heading to another Disney Attraction. It's even slightly understandable if I was going straight to the airport (they'll confirm our flights for us). My plans are to go to my sister-in-law's house for a couple of days, so I checked "Other".

Now, imagine my irritation when it not only asked me to provide the exact address and phone number of where I'll be staying, it was required. Disney apparently feels they have a need, nay the right, to know where I'll be staying after leaving the ship. What in the frak gives them the right to force me to enter someone's address? Do they really expect me to give them a correct address? How many other poor saps fall for this?

For the record I am heading to "100 Whydoyouneedtoknow St, Orlando FL", only because my wife convinced to give a more "political" answer than "100 F&$kofftheresnoreasonyouneedtoknowthisyounosybastards Ave". Now we'll see if they let me on the boat...

Italian Verbosity

A couple of nights ago we went to eat at a local Italian restaurant. At some point I went to the bathroom and noticed that instead of music there was a man teaching various Italian phrases (much like the Spanish one at Jose O'Shea's).

Anyway, I think this is a pretty good idea. Much better than most chain restaurants with their 4 Italian songs that are played over and over. Usually these "lessons" are simple, practical phrases like, "Where's the bathroom?", "How much is the bill?" The weird thing was I must have walked in near the end of the tape, because it was some pretty advanced stuff.

I forget the exact details of the phrase because it took me so much by surprise. However, it was something like, "Can you please tell me where the nearest bus station is so that I can go downtown to buy some Mongolian giant sunflowers for my sick great aunt that is missing her left big toe?"

OK that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I swear it was something along those lines, or at least something as useful. It was so long and pointless that I would have peed myself laughing, if I wasn't already peeing. I may have to go back and sit in the restroom for a while, just to get the actual phrase correct. Stay tuned...

Watery Graves

I've never really given much thought to what I want done with my remains after my death. I'm mostly sure I wont care. However, there are some pretty unique things out there that are offered.

Foremost among them is the Neptune Memorial Reef. It's an artificial reef that's also a graveyard. Family members can have their loved one's cremains put to rest in one of thousands of plots.

What a great business idea! Charge to become part of the memorial, and the charge to dive it to visit your loved ones. Brilliant!

I can't decide if this is cool, or just creepy...

Pet Peevish

Working at a scuba shop we get a lot of incorrect conceptions; no you don't have to hold your breath for over a minute, no sharks aren't dangerous, yes it's dark during night dives. Some still really get under my skin though. My biggest pet-peeve is when a customer wants to look at "goggles, flippers and tubes". Flippers and tubes I can live with, they're simply an old term for fins and snorkels. Goggles, on the other hand are a completely different thing than a mask. Goggles cover your eyes, a mask covers your eyes and nose. They're two completely different pieces of equipment, and people look at me strangley when I try and correct them. I know it's a small thing, really nothing in the grand scheme of things, but gorramit it irritates the crap out of me!

How many people would go into a ski shop and ask for slippers, and wonder why they weren't shown ski boots? What about asking for 4 new wheels, when you really want new tires? How about asking the people at Best Buy for new memory, when your hard drive is broken? If you're looking for gloves would you ask for mittens? It's like ordering a beer and getting Coors. It's all pretty damned ironic.

I swear, the next person that asks me to show them goggles, I'm going to show them goggles. Then I'll beat them to death with a snorkel when they look at me with a pitying look and say, "No I need goggles I can dive with." Maybe I've just been here too long, or maybe I just need a tall, cold, frosty beer. It's my own private valium, mmmm....beer....

Hospital "Care"

I've spent the last few days at the hospital, and have come to realize something. Hospitals aren't really that good at taking care of people. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that they don't care for patients, they just seem to be missing a few key points.

For instance, people that are healing need sleep, especially those that are recovering from major surgery. But can patients sleep? Nope. In the 2 days I spent at the hospital, no more than 20 minutes went by before some nurse or assistant came in to check how she was doing, measure vitals, give her drugs, etc. I know that these are all necessary and part of good medical care, but can't they time these visits together? My wife was ecstatic that one night she got a whole hour of sleep without being woken (awoken?).

I also think that I would be better at placing IVs than some of the nurses. I watched one spend 5 minutes digging around in my wife's arm looking for a vein. Granted there are some that are really good at it. Shouldn't those people teach those that suck at it how to do it right?

Really I'm just grumpy because I couldn't take a nap longer than 20 minutes...