The "Real" Reason

OK, personally I think the whole Digital V upgrade is ri-god-damned-diculous. However, it's happening and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I do, however, have to wonder how much it's costing the government. The cost of the "coupons" to get converter box alone must be billions of dollars. That's

I'm not even really sure what the impetous is behind the change, so I googled it. My favorite response is here. According to this guy, the reasons are two-fold. First, It allows the government to more easily manipulate the images coming to our sets. Second, it's so the government can keep tabs on us by watching us through little cameras built into the TV. That's right, according to these crackpots, every TV built since 1995 has the ability to transmit as well as receive. Not only that, but the bastards in Washington have added mini cameras in the screens!

I guess I better stop "watching" those late night Cinemax movies...

Even less than "Communications"

Bullocks to all those claiming that our higher education system works.

UC Berkley has introduced a Starcraft Studies course. That's right, the 1998 video game is a college course now.

Students will learn about the theory of the battles and learn the computational strategies. When I first heard about this, I kinda hoped that it would have some relevance to the real world. Sadly, it doesn't seem to. It's all about the game.

Now don't get me wrong, I would have jumped at the chance to play Starcraft for a college course. Lord knows I wasted enough study time playing it's predecessors, Warcraft I and II. However, I just wonder at the implications. It's no wonder our education system is laughed at by the world.

I love that "Calculus and Differential Equations are highly recommended for full understanding of the course". Gotta make it sounds useful somehow. Truly, I can't think of any better use for my damned calculus classes.

Note: Oops. This isn't true - just a Berkely "Decal Class", apparently a student wishlist type of thing. I knew it was too good to be.

Midget Switch and bulb thieves

We've recently moved and as is the case with any new places, there are quirky features. We've been amused by some and irritated by others.

My favorite is this light switch. It's a little hard to see, but the switch is about a foot off the floor. It now happens to be behind a couch. When we moved in, I couldn't figure out what it did. Recently I replaced the bulb in a light post that's in our front yard (one that was stolen as a friend had replaced it already).

Turns out this switch operates the light post in the front yard. Nice and convenient. Anyone know a good electrician?

Purloiner PSA

My wife and I moved this weekend and one of the first things I wanted to do was change the locks. So we went to Home Depot to check them out. We decided to get the locks to the right (I know it's a bad picture but they're Masterlock's "Smart Key Locks"). We chose that particular lock because it can be reset by the user, no locksmith required. Sounds great right? Well, not so much - at least not if you want to actually secure your home.

I was thinking that you'd program the new lock internally, meaning the lock would have to be removed from the door and taken apart. Wrong. At the top of the directions, in bold lettering is "Install lock in door before training lock to key." At this point I assumed that the retraining must be done from the inner knob. Again, wrong.

No, to retrain this brilliance in engineering, you insert the key you'd like to work in the lock, then insert a little "smart key". This "smart key" is nothing more than a bent piece of sheet metal that slides alongside the new key. Voila! The lock is now retrained to whatever key you have and will now open the lock. Basically all a half intelligent thief has to do is spend $30 on one of these Smart Locks, take the "smart key" out and have a go!

Brilliant!

Addendum: So I was wrong - turns out the lock has to be unlocked first to re-train it. I'm still not entirely sure I'd feel safe with it though...

Now in HD

I've decided that I'm going to start working on making this blog Hi Def. I have no idea how yet, but everything else is going that way so I might as well jump on the bandwagon too. HDTV and DVDs started it all, with radio following right behind.

This morning I saw a news story on the latest in liposuction surgery. Even liposuction is now jumping aboard the HD ship. That's right, hi def liposuction.

WTF? Do these doctors really think that adding a buzzword will make it sell better? I will admit however, it certainly doesn't sound like their using a vacuum on your ass.

And along those lines, I can't wait to get a Hi Def haircut...

Addendum:

Oooo Hi def magnets!

"Truth" in review

"Metal Gear Solid 4" is due to be released soon (June 12 for those keeping track), and Konami has joined other publishers that have "asked" reviewers to omit certain details. Some reviewers have been asked to publish favorable reviews early, while asking negative reviewers to hold off after release date.

Konami has recently joined the ranks of the questionable by asking reviewers to not mention certain details of the game. While some of these things are understandable, certain character appearences and plot lines, some are not. Konami has asked that the mandatory system installation for the PS3 version not be mentioned, something that should be available to anyone who's thinking of buying this game. Also, Konami is requesting no one mention the excessive length of the cutscenes. Reportedly, some of the cutscenes are 90 minutes long!!

While I'm all for having a good storyline, 90 minutes? So you play for an hour or so, then are stuck watching a feature length scene before being able to play again? That's ri-god-damned-diculous. Possibly even more ridiculouos than editing reviewer before they've published they actual review.

Double tall heart stopper

Yesterday Starbucks introduced their "+energy" drink. Now, if that 4 shot latte doesn't have quite enough kick, you can have them add an energy shot too. Seems to me that if you're that groggy, maybe you should try sleeping more.

Apparently Starbucks is seing a decline in profits, a trend they relate to the increasing market of energy drinks. The answer? Offer an additional shot of energy and charging 50 cents more! That's the ticket!

I don't suppose the dropping profits have anything to do with charging $4 for a cup of coffee in the first place do ya? Of course who am I to talk, I plan on trying one tomorrow....

Get me my sammich!

A few weeks ago, Starbucks started advertising that they were soon to have breakfast sandwiches. While they looked great, I had mixed emotions about this. On one hand I was excited that I could grab breakfast right next door (did I mention they looked really good). On the other, I spend too much at Starbucks already.

Well they were supposed to start Saturday. Apparently corporate pulled the sandwiches at the last minute. So here I am missing something that I've never had, nor shouldn't have (both monetarily and "dietarily")

The best part is that apparently corporate decided that the sandwiches would "Take away from the coffee sales." W...T...F?

I can see that having a good breakfast food might take away from the pastry sales, but the coffee sales? Don't most people go there for the coffee, and offering another item to buy is a good thing (it's called an "add on sale" look it up people). Wouldn't most people get a coffee, tea or something with the gorram sandwich? Why would the corporate bungholes in Seattle want to spite me by keeping a tasty sammich from me!?!?!?

Anyway, the number crunchers are saying that the average store will lose $35,000 in sales at first, but it "should" come back. This isn't taking into account the thousands each store spent to get the flyers and menu cards printed up. How does that math work? I'm no math wiz (beat you to it Snarky), but that don't seem to add up. Starbucks has posted a loss the last few years and this is part of their strategy to reverse that trend.

Gee, how about not charging $5 for a cup of milk and 2 ounces of coffee? Am I the only one that took a basic economic course? Shouldn't companies drop prices when demand drops? I guess if you're the dominant force in a market, that gives you the feeling you can set market value where ever you feel it should be, eh?

I know I'm over reacting to a stupid sandwich, but I was really hungry this morning. As I said, now I'm just grumpy. Of course that could be because I haven't had my coffee yet. I suppose I better head next door...

Gnomish

Today I finished Half Life 2: Episode 2, and I liked it. It was really more of the same, but I like that "same" so much I don't mind.

After finishing it, I checked what achievements I had gotten, and which ones may be worth going back and replaying parts for. Most of them are things like, "Catch a grenade and send it back", "find 5 hidden caches", etc. I have no idea what happens if you get them all, but I would guess nothing - so I'm probably not going to try for more.

The most unique one is the "Little Rocket Man." Near the beginning of the Episode, there's this garden gnome. To get this achievement you must carry it, without letting it break, through most of the episode. Near the end you can put it into a rocket to send it to space - ugh.

While not exactly hard (you can store him in safe places during battles), this has got to be tedious. All for little gain, except maybe to say you sent a garden gnome into space in a video game. I dunno, maybe chicks dig it...

Pride of Maruchan

A Japanese survey taken in 2000 asked people to list the greatest inventions of the 20th century.

What was the number one invention? Computers? Robots? Velcro? Game consoles? Microchips? Space travel?

Nope, Ramen. Yep, the 35 cent packages that helped us all get through college, THAT'S the most important invention of the century. Apparently penicillin has nothing on a pack of noodles.

Runners-up were the Walkman and frakking karaoke.

Seriously? KARAOKE?!?!?! Although it does make me both curious and afraid of what the answer would be in America - Big Macs ?

Customer Quote of the Month II

Customer, after wlking in from 97 degree heat, "Whew it's hot out there. Too bad you don't have a pool here."



Me, "We actually do, we have a pool in the basement."



Customer laughs, "You're kidding right?"



Me, "Nope, we have a 25,000 gallon pool downstairs, just head through that door and down the stairs."



Customer, "Really? Can I go see it? I've never seen one."



Me, "...."

A dubious milestone

Yesterday was a first for me. Roland and I went to a local bar for lunch, and stayed for dinner.

That's right true believers, 8 hours sitting at a frakking bar. Today, I feel like death warmed over - and had already made plans to go out tonight.

I'm not saying I'm proud of my first experience at being a barfly, far from it. However it is a milestone that should be shared.

Maybe with enough mocking I'll remember why not to do this again....

Keeping the fear alive.

Last night on the radio I heard a list of tips on how to stay safe while traveling. This tips included things like:

• Carry a second wallet with expired credit cards and a small amount of cash in case you're mugged.
• Only stay in the second through seventh floor of a hotel. Apparently the ground level has the highest rate of break-ins and anything above the seventh floor a fire truck's ladder won't reach.
• Pick a seat near the back of the plane on an exit row - that way you'll be the first one out in case of an emergency (screw that "help those that need help thing"), plus you'll be furthest from anyone trying to hijack the plane.

Seems to me they missed a key tip to staying safe;

Don't leave your house. Lock the front door. Lock and barricade your bedroom door. Crawl in to the back corner of your closet with some sort of weapon and cower until the "vacation" is over.

God bless fear mongering...

Pageant girls are people too?

It seems as if there's another Pageant scandal. Miss New Jersey has a few pictures out there that someone has tried to blackmail her over. You can see some of them here.

Basically they're pictures of a young adult having a good time in a bar. One shows her spreading her legs (fully clothed mind you), another shows her kissing her boyfriend, yet another shows her - get this - having a drink!!!

This could mean the end of the world as we know it folks. Apparently, pageant contestants are human!!

Never mind that part of the contest is strutting around on stage in a bikini - that's respectable. But show a young college girl acting like a college girl? Unacceptable!

Re-God-Damned-dicilous...

SCUBA Duh-ving

I know that there's supposedly no such thing as a dumb question. I also know that everyone, everywhere has had to answer stupid questions in the workplace. Working at a dive shop is no exception:

• How many breaths can you get out of a snorkel?
• If I go under the water, can I still breath through the snorkel?
• Can you wear glasses with a scuba mask? (bearing in mind the skirt of the mask needs a water tight seal to keep the water out)
  
• When I clear the water from my mask, where does the water go?
• How do you breath through your nose with a mask on? (again keeping in mind a scuba/snorkel mask covers the nose)

And my personal favorite:

• Does it get dark on night dives?

Another favorite, though not a question per se, is a customer telling a coworker that she was taking a few small jars on her trip to bring home some ocean water. When asked why she was taking more than one, she replied (I swear I'm not making this up), "I want one for each of the water colors - The real pretty deep blue, the light blue, the greenish water - all of them!".

Honest....to....God...

I'm sure there are more, I just have to ask the other guys here, the above questions are just the ones I've heard personally.

The hardest part is answering with as little sarcasm as can be mustered...

No TOUCHIE!!

I heard on the radio yesterday that a school in Virginia has implemented a "No touching policy". This doesn't just mean no inappropriate touching, it means no touching AT ALL.

Hand shaking? - OUT
High Fiving? - OUT
A pat on the back? - NOPE
Accidental contact while walking through the hall? - Get ready for a suspension.

Holy-Over-Reaction Batman. I understand trying to control unwanted groping and molesting, but this is ridiculous. Human beings are social creatures, and physical contact is natural and, arguably, necessary.

Besides, what's the best way to get a kid to do something? Forbid them to do it...

Terror everywhere

This morning I heard on the radio about this Amtrak Bomb Scare that happened last week. The suspect was released yesterday after being determined he wasn't a threat. And the reason all this happened? The suspect was having a conversation about his family and the stress he's under.

Theaudeaus said the suspect did not make a threat. He said the man was apparently stressed out about his family and said his "head was going to explode."

Apparently another passenger heard this, told some one else, they told someone and so forth. Next thing this poor guy knows, he's being pulled off the train and held for questioning for the weekend.

My problem with all of this is the overreaction to the authorities. How scared are we as a society that a simple off-hand comment is blown out of proportion to this extent? Do we really need to make sure we watch our own private conversations?

I would almost argue that those that wish our country harm are winning. As terrorists, they have done their job admirably, since we are terrified of our own shadows. Everything we own and do is suspect now. Our water bottles are suspect, as are our shoes, electronics and now language. Nothing like getting a society to turn on themselves and do your job for you.

Better watch yourself the next time you use the phrase "That's da' BOMB!"...

Washing Woes

Yesterday HDW blogged about her problems with a certain department store and their customer service. It made me think of our experience there the other day.

A couple of weeks ago our dryer died. We debated a while about spending a bit more on a dryer and leaving the washing machine be (because holy crikey are they expensive). However, we finally decided to go the distance and get both.

While we were shopping, we went to a ton of places looking for information and deals. At the store mentioned above we were looking at the washing machines and the salesperson came over. My first questions was, "What is the main difference between this $1600 washer and the $800 over there?"

His answer? "Well, this one is $1600..." (that's actually a direct quote). I was actually stunned for a second. I replied with "I could see that from the price tag." and awaited more information. After a few moments of looking at each other, he finally started listing differences.

My favorite reason it's twice the cost? The hinges, that's right apparently the hinges on this machine actually, dramatic pause, allow you to open the door!!! He literally spent 5 minutes talking about the frelling hinges.

Another amazing difference? "This one is high efficiency, you use a fraction of the water and power."

"Isn't the $800 washer over there high efficiency too?", I asked.

"Well, yes." This was followed by another long moment of us looking at each other.

At this point I was done with this mental giant, but he felt he needed to explain more differences. I can't really say what they were because I had stopped listening.

Come see the stupid side of Sears...

Extreme Tree Hugging

Yet another nugget found while browsing (click here)...

It's a tree that needs no direct care from the owner. The tree is planted in a system that is connected to your house. The more efficient your power use is, the more the tree flourishes. If you have an inefficient house, the tree is poisoned!!!

Poor little tree.

Nothing like using guilt to control your family's energy use.

"Well, honey I could turn the heat up, but it would kill the tree. You OK with that?"

It's like a mini ecoterrorism kit...

Really? Gullible isn't in the dictionary?

In 1997 a junior high school student in Idaho Falls won his science fair with a project on a little known killer - Dihydrogen Monoxide.

This caustic material is prevalent in almost everything in our lives, it's a major ingredient in beer and pesticides, it's used as a industrial cleaner, and has caused millions of deaths worldwide - and the government refuses to do anything about it!

What causes me to blog about it is I found this awesome website about this compound. It's dhmo.org, and everyone should check it out! One of my favorite claims:

"A recent stunning revelation is that in every single instance of violence in our country's schools, including infamous shootings in high schools in Denver and Arkansas, Dihydrogen Monoxide was involved. In fact, DHMO is often very available to students of all ages within the assumed safe confines of school buildings. None of the school administrators with which we spoke could say for certain how much of the substance is in use within their very hallways."

In reality the said science project above was actually on the gullibility of people, and the student won his science fair. It makes me wonder how many people really start to worry about this. I do know that in 2004 a Californian suburb almost voted to ban foam containers at city events because (among other things) was made with DHMO - scary.

Crap, I just realized my Nalgene Bottle is completely contaminated with it, I've been unknowingly poisoning myself for years now. Goodbye cruel world!