You're joking

After seeing the preview for the upcoming Spiderwick Chronicles, I decided to check out the books. I didn't really feel like owning the series, so I started to listen to the audio book.

The books are read by Mark Hamill, and he does an excellent job. If you've ever watched the Batman cartoons, you know what a great voice actor he is. This fits perfectly with the theme of the book, every goblin, hobgoblin, elf, troll and brownie has a distinct voice. It's been a blast, Mark Hamill obviously had a good time reading it - which shows.

As far as what I thought of the book(s), they were entertaining if not spectacular. Much like the Unfortunate Events series, it's a kids series that has a little for adults too.

Now I'm curious how the movies will ruin the books...

Holiday Cheer

A few days ago, neither my wife nor I felt like cooking so we grabbed Noodles & Company. Before going to the restaurant we also stopped and got a couple of smoothies from a local juice place.

Anyway, my wife walked to the counter and set her smoothie on the edge of the counter. Before I could catch it it fell off and splattered everywhere. Now I don't know how many of you have bought smoothies lately, but it's about a $6 drink, kinda a bummer. After helping the staff clean it up I started to head back to buy her another smoothie.

Another customer waiting for his take out saw the whole thing and commented "That really sucks." He then dug in his pocket and handed me a coupon for a free meal at Noodles & Co. I was actually a little stunned and tried to argue. He simply waved off my protests with a "Merry Christmas!"

I was able to use the coupon right then, which was pretty cool. While my wife waited for the food, I went back to get her another smoothie and the employee there refused to charge me for the replacement.

Basically both of these great people restored a little of my faith in humanity and some holiday cheer. I am now looking for opportunities to pay it forward.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Medieval Malarky

A while back a friend (AKA Enabler Smurf) let me borrow his Xbox 360 in exchange for trying out Assassins Creed. After renting it I liked it enough to pick it up. As of today I'm over half way through the game and I've amended my opinion a tad.

I still really like the game, it has a lot of potential. The basic concept is excellent, and the storyline is intriguing. There is a slight twist, but I won't disclose it here - some might find that a bit spoilerific.

The things I like about the game are many. When you get to a city with a target's name, you have no idea where, who or what the target is. You need to complete a certain number of investigations in order to find out about your assigned target. It's a lot of fun to go about the city pickpocketing, eavesdropping and other various tasks to learn about the habits of the target. You can blend with other city folk to avoid guards, and by "blending" I mean walk very, very slowly with your head lowered. The most impressive part is that the vast cities are 100% explorable. Every building in the city can be climbed up, in, around and sometimes through.

Combat has potential, but can be very frustrating. While you do learn moves as the game progresses, some are less than user friendly. The "Combo Kill" is especially difficult, impossible even. The other moves, work about half the time. While this may have something to do with my elder reflexes, I'd like to think that at least a small part is the game's poor combo system.

Speaking of guards, the city's security force is apparently recruited from the Midvale School for the Gifted. I have run past them to start climbing a wall with nothing but a "Cheerio and good luck". Other times I have been attacked for standing in the street. To evade the chasing guards all you have to do is turn a corner and jump into a pile of hay (which were apparently very common in medieval cities) or rooftop stands with curtains in the windows. I've seen the guards chase me to these stands and then wonder where I've gone.

Like I mentioned, the investigation part is fun. Unfortunately, it's fun at the beginning and less so as the game progresses. After the fourth or fifth race to collect flags for an informant, I'm ready to stab myself in the eye with my very own secret blade.

Bottom line is that the game is great in many, many ways, but less so in a few. Overall the pros outweigh the cons, so it's definetely worth a shot. Just don't get me started on the frakking beggar women...

A very naughty breadbasket.

To those I missed saying it to, Happy Christmas (feel free to replace the last word with whatever holiday you feel like).

Every Christmas Eve NORAD tracks Santa's progress around the world. I used to listen to the radio and TV updates religiously as a kid. NORAD has decided to go virtual and created a web applet that does the same thing, but interactive. Monday night my cousin's kids were very serious about checking where Santa was. They got VERY excited when he made it to the Eastern Coast, though I don't remember what city it was.

In any case the map showed him skipping Algeria completely, which I found interesting. Interesting enough that I searched backwards to see where else he skipped. Apparently Iraq doesn't have any kids worth bringing presents to. Same went for Mongolia, Manitoba, Egypt, Mozambique, plus some others.

The strangest part was that he skipped 5 US states. North and South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas & Oklahoma. What the hell did the Midwest do to piss of Santa?

Red Ring madness

So my "pusher" Ash lent me his Xbox 360 to try Assassins Creed (which I like and hate, but I'll talk about that later), and he also wanted to pick up Rock Band. I picked up Rock Band for him on Friday and we broke it open that night. We had a great time playing it until the wee hours of the morning (4am-ish).

Anyway, after playing it all night Friday night, and then playing it some Saturday night things were looking fine.

Last night I went to play it and the frakking thing gave me the "Red Ring of Death". So here I am with my friends broken Xbox and a useless Rock Band game. For a while I was thinking I'd be buying him a new Xbox for Christmas, UGH.

Well after unplugging everything and turning it back on, everything was OK - apparently there are multiple "Red Rings of Death", varying from "unplug and reboot" to "You now have a $400 doorstop". After looking into it today I even found people that have found a "fix" for the latter. Bsically you cover it with some towels, let it overheat, turn it off and VOILA! Reparo.

Microsoft sucks...

Modding madness

I know the original XBox is basically a dead console and I also know that modding Scions is becoming quite a hobby.

I suppose it was only a matter of time before someone put the two together. Introducing the XBox Scion.

Someone figured out how to install a modded XBox into the console of a Scion. While strange, it does seem to me to be the only way to make a Scion cool. If you can't tell the pic on the right is the power buttons for the XBox installed into the center console.

Some people have too much time and money...

Technosink

This faucet is probably the coolest I've seen in a while. Perfect for those that want their sinks to dispense blood.

It lights the water either red or blue - based on the water temperature.

No more trying to decipher that confusing "H" or "C" on your faucets...

Worth Every penny

A friend sent me this Ebay Auction with the tag line of "Best Auction EVER".

I'd have to agree. Basically the guy is going to some small town in Poland for the holidays. He's going to send 3 postcards to the winner's victim of choice with random, insane rantings about cantaloupe and ferrets (Good band name BTW). The kicker will be that the seller will have a few details about the victim - enough to make him our her drive themselves crazy trying to figure out who they know that's in Poland.

I would have bid on it, but the current bid is $400 - a bit out of my pranking budget.

Thus the blogging about it...

Suck it George

Thanks to my enabler Ash for this link:

It's a Star Wars fan movie that puts Lucas to shame (not that he has any).



Here's the link to the original movie without subtitles. If you want to see the rest of Volume I with subtitles, youtube them or get them here.

Homemade Harmonix Hero Help

Need another Guitar Hero Controller? Don't have an extra $50?

Giant Walrus to the rescue (with the help of instructables.com)! Here you go - step by step instructions to build your own.

Of course it looks like it would cost you a lot more than the real controller...

Pointless link of the month

Found this on Digg.com, and I have nothing to say about this site....

Seriously, I got nothing...

Sizing Issues

Here at the shop we just got some new sweatshirts that are pretty cool. They're targeted to women as an after warm-up jacket for after the dive, but that's not really important.

What makes me post about them is their sizing. the available sizes are "Smallest", "Smaller", "Small", "Most", "Big", "Bigger" and "Biggest".

That seems strangely insulting for a jacket marketed to women. Who's going to feel good about buying the "Biggest" size? Or, for that matter, anything over "Most".

That's brilliant, make your target group feel horrible about their purchase...

The very bad Dr H.

My friend told me about the next Terry Brooks series The Genesis of Shannara. It links the Word/Void series to the Shannara series. What he failed to tell me was that it's a series in progress.

So now I've read the first only to find out that the second of the series has just been released. So basically Dr Heimlich is a very bad man. Especially considering that Terry Brooks loves mid trilogy cliffhanger endings.

On a brighter note, I started The Sword of Truth series a few months ago by Terry Goodkind. I went into this one knowing it's an eleven book series (unfinished at the time). I'm happy to announce that the last book Confessor, was just released. I really enjoyed the first book Wizard's First Rule, enough so that I would have recommended it but couldn't at the time. I now can do so with a clear conscience since the series is now complete.

Bad DrHeimlich, BAD!!!

Tuxedoed Vultures

Last night we went to a company christmas pasrty. It was a very nice one, 3 course meal and everything.

What made it a tad uncomfortable (other than my lack of knowing more than 2 people) was that the servers were almost too attentive.

The second the salad was finished, the plate disappeared. While this level of service is great when you need something, it was a tad disconcerting to have the servers circling the table.

I mean that literally too. At one point of the servers did two and a half laps around our table, before heading to the next one. Ever try to eat with a stranger looking over your shoulder?

It was a little wierd...

Wonderful shadow bunnies

A link sent to me by a coworker:



And wow, I have a hard time making a shadow puppet of a hand...

Seasonal Spirit

We had our first real snowfall last night, and I'm sad to say that I'm already sick of it.

Not because I don't like shoveling (I actually hate it - though at least it can be decent excercise), but because people become retarded on the roads. Driving wouldn't be bad if everyone drove the same. The problem is you get 3 types of drivers. The worst are the people that have never seen snow (or act like it driving), and slow down to 2.3 mile an hour because there's some snow on the side of the frakking road. Only slightly less annoying are the drivers that have never seen the snow, but have a 4 wheel drive, which gives them the confidence to drive 100 miles an hour past everyone else. Of course these people, more often than not, give me a chuckle later down the road (as I talked about last year). Finally there's drivers like me, who drive perfectly in the snow (I know I just jinxed myself - notice to all of my friends with trucks, I will be calling you this season to pull me out)!

Now today I'll cut them a little more slack, but the thing that amazes me the most is how spacial relations disappear. I can't be the only one that knows about where the sidewalk is - why does everyone drive down the middle of a 4 lane road?

What about parking lots? Do people really forget that the parking spaces are just wider than their car, not 20 feet wide? Whether there's snow or not, I know that when I park next to another car there should be just enough room to open the door, not enough room for half a car.

Anyway, that's the end of my yearly winter rant, and now for something completely different:

For a good holiday laugh call:
(413) 241-2498

Pride of Maruchan

A Japanese survey taken in 2000 asked people to list the greatest inventions of the 20th century.

What was the number one invention? Computers? Robots? Velcro? Game consoles? Microchips? Space travel?

Nope, Ramen. Yep, the 35 cent packages that helped us all get through college, THAT'S the most important invention of the century. Apparently penicillin has nothing on a pack of noodles.

Runners-up were the Walkman and frakking karaoke.

Seriously? KARAOKE?!?!?! Although it does make me both curious and afraid of what the answer would be in America - Big Macs ?

These aren't the pirates you're looking for...

A while back, Dr Heimlich beat me to posting about this cool video game reviewer (damn you!!!). While it's a cool site, one of the reviews is about Psychonauts, a little known X-Box game from Doublefine Productions. Doublefine is staffed by the best game developers that Lucasarts let go a number of years ago. They were the one's that created such masterpieces as Monkey Island, Full Throttle, Sam & Max Hit the Road, Day of the Tentacle. These were, arguably, the best games Lucasarts ever developed (OK, there are a few Star Wars games - but more often than not, Lucas arts released pure crap hoping it would do well because it was a Star Wars game. Super Bombad Racing anyone?).

Anyway, it made me think about a list of my Top 10 favorite video games of all time. So here we go:

• 10) Galaga - It wouldn't be a complete list if there wasn't at least one arcade game - and this one is easily my favorite.
• 9) Doom - Not that great now, but it helped start the FPS genre. To clarify I'm talking about the original, not Doom 3.
• 8) Zork I - Some of my best gaming memories are of sitting in front of our AT&T computer playing this text based adventure - Good times, good times.
  
• 7) Wing Commander - Actually I loved this whole series. We were blown away when you could get the Speech Pack for WC II - No more reading while flying!! Total crap movie, but great game series, Mark Hamill in full motion video and all!
• 6) Half-Life - This game took FPS gaming to the next level. Impressive graphics, intelligent enemies and a spiffy new physics engine (I know Drheimlich, I know), made this an amazing experience.
• 5) Sam & Max: Hit the Road - One of the most amusing games I've played. The twisted humor made this a winner for me. It even made me play it multiple times - even though I knew the solutions to everything.
• 4) X-wing - This was the first time you could actually fly an X-wing (plus all the other fighters from the movies). The story of the game covered stealing the Death Star Plans to the all out assault of it. I almost peed myself the first time I flew against Darth Vader.
• 3) Psychonauts - This quirky game has the same humor as Sam & Max and Monkey Island, but in a platforming game. The gameplay was fun, but it was the characters, storyline and setting that truly makes this game a favorite.
• 2) Starcraft - One of the few RTS games that I can still sit and play with friends for hours. Plus, I'm not the only one - the game has sold over 10 million copies, not bad for a game that's almost 9 years old.
• 1) The Monkey Island Series - I know that this is actually 4 games, but it's my list dammit. These games are the best games that Lucasarts had to offer. Good old Guybrush Threepwood and his nemesis Le Chuck kept me up many a night. Pirates, interesting puzzles, pirates and some of the funniest moments I've ever had while gaming easily make this number one. Insult Sword fighting anyone?
  

Runners Up:
Myst, Full Throttle, Counter Strike and Okami.

So there you have it, not that anyone really cares. Still, it was fun going back down memory lane. I have to wonder how many cumulative hours I've wasted sitting in front of a monitor or TV.

On second thought I don't think I want to know...

Flying Monkey Piracy

A couple of nights ago I picked up Zach & Wiki: The Quest for Barbaros' Treasure. The reviews have all been good and I was curious.

Turns out that I'm glad I did. The first night My wife and I played it for about 5 hours, which I took as a good sign that I like the game. It's an adventure game, something that I've been missing. It's been too long since I enjoyed some point and click adventure goodness. It also reminded me that this is my favorite gaming genre, but that's beside the point.

Zach is a member of the Sea Rabbits, a notorious band of pirates. Wiki is a flying monkey thing that helps Zach with his adventures. The first chest he finds releases the golden skull of the renowned pirate Barabaros. in exchange for helping him reassemble his body, Barabaros agrees to point Zach to all of his treasure holds. It's quirky, cute and a lot of fun.

The puzzles are well thought out, and are challenging when they should be. Each problem has multiple solutions, which allows for a lot of experimenting. The more creative the solution the more points you get.

The other thing that makes this game fun is the use of the Wii remote. Like Warioware, the use of the remote mimics the actions in the game - to use a saw you making a sawing motion, need to ring a bell? Shake the remote like a bell.

If you're looking for something entertaining and different for your Wii, this is a good bet. Just be sure to secure that strap - the music mini game is a bitch!

Puzzley goodness

So for all those math and puzzle geeks out there, here's a site that does a weekly math puzzle.

Some aren't so hard - others I had to do it a couple of times (speaks to my math skills eh?)

Oh, and a quick tip:

Don't attempt them in a bar after a few beers. That increases the difficulty by a lot. I also wouldn't attempt them while at the aforementioned bar while a gaggle of cute servers are sitting with you - makes you look like a bit of a geek.

Not that I need help with that...

A good friend would help.

I have had this frakking song stuck in my head for a few days now. I want to kill myself at this point, so I'm asking for some help.

They say that the best way to get a song out of your head is to pass it along to someone else.

Any volunteers? Go ahead click the link - I Triple Dog Dare ya...

Customer Quote of the Month - December

Customer walking in the store, "Hi, I haven't been in a dive shop for years."

Me, "Well feel free to walk around. Are you going anywhere exciting soon?"

CWitS, "No, I just came in to see if you knew where an Ace Hardware is."

Me, "Um...down the street and around the corner."

CWitS, "Thanks." CWitS then leaves the store.

I then double check our sign to make sure it doesn't say "Scuba, Snorkeling and Local Store Information."

Heroic eggs and a quest for milk.

I've been listening to Neil Gaiman's Stardust and so far I like it, as I have liked all of his works. The audio book is unabridged, but I'm not sure it should be.

My biggest problem with writers like Gaiman (King too) is that they sometimes go a bit overboard with the details of the story. I don't need an entire chapter devoted to the description of the town, or house or whatever.

At one point I got to listen to a family's grocery list. That's right, I was treated to about 45 seconds of Neil reading a gorram grocery list. I know 45 seconds doesn't seem like a long time normally, but try it while someone is reading a list off to you - one that you care nothing about. Is that necessary? I'm all for adding detail to immerse the reader in the world of the book, this seems a bit over the top.

Is it just me, or does it seem that some writers pad their stories with crap like this? No matter how good the book is, I will always remember the frakking grocery list...

Spider monkey fingers required.

Drheimlich, this is for you:




I want to be there when you beat the final boss of Guitar Hero 3 on Expert - we could sell tickets!

YouTube Five

Two most awesome sites ever

Scrubs reference: toddtime.com Be forewarned - while I don't think this is NSFW, some coworkers may. At the very least you may get wierd looks.

AND

A legen...wait for it. How I Met Your Mother site: Slapbetcountdown.com - definitely SFW.

...DARY!!!!

Razor Sharp

Saturday night Battlestar Galactica: Razor aired on SciFi. It was an event I was extremely excited about, and as it turns out, should have been.

It was a prime example of the excellent writing and character development that we've come to expect. I found it interesting to go a little deeper into the workings of the Pegasus before it became a part of the main plot. Plus we got a few clues that make the season finally a little more meaningful (and more promised if I buy it on DVD)

I frakking love this show. Now I just have to wait until March...

Pre-caffeine Ranting

I know I've complained that the Visa debit card commercials are full of crap. I still think it takes less time to hand cash than to use a card (most of the time - assuming the teller can count).

I should amend my claim though. There's no choice between a debit card and writing a check. I was just at Starbucks and the lady in front of me ordered a slew of things then wrote a check. Good lord I thought I was going to die.

The staff took care of the 5 people waiting in line behind her in the time it took her to write the damned thing. Just to write it mind you, that's not including the hours it took for her to order. That was a whole other stress-filled moment of waiting.

Can you tell I was waiting for my first cup of the day?

Mist-taculous

After seing The Mist I can now stop worrying. The movie Rocked the Casbah!

I swear that some of the imagery was pulled straight out of my head. The filming is done in the same basic way the audio book was done. Even when the town's siren blows, it sent a chill down my spine - it was exactly like I remembered. While it's billed as a monster movie, the movie is more about the personal reactions of the folks caught in an unbelievable situation and that makes it shine.

If I have to nit pick I would say that the ending, while excellent, had a bit of a "What the hell?" aspect to it. This is major minor point though, if you've ever heard or read The Mist, I can't recommend it enough. Even if you haven't I'd still say "Definitely check it out."

For a more un-biased opinion check out DrHeimlich, he'll probably blog about it better than I can soon...

A plead to the powers that be

One of my favorite memories from high school is listening to Stephen King's The Mist in 3-D Sound.

It was never published as a book (that I know of), but produced as an audio production, and an awesome one at that. I remember listening to it for the first time in the dark alone, and it made quite the impression. While it wasn't necessarily scary, it left very vivid images of the story in my mind.

I can only hope that the movie that opens today doesn't totally suck. The clips I've seen seem great - almost torn directly from my head. I'm trying to not let that get me too excited though.

I may see it today, and I ask the P.T.B. to make it a decent movie and not Lucas my childhood with it...

Two good reasons.

I know I bitch a lot about my work. Believe it or not, I do understand how good I have it. I work at a frelling dive shop, how bad can it really be?

Actually not bad at all. Especially when I have days like Sunday. We had a film crew rent our pool for a couple of scenes. They were here for about 4 hours and were a great bunch of people. The day got a LOT better when the subject showed up though.

See the film was about mermaids, and we weren't talking Disney-esque mermaids. We're talking Ye Olde Sailor's dream-type mermaids. Granted, her top was painted on, but in a pool it really doesn't count for much.

Basically any day that I can see breasts and get paid to do it, is a good day at work...

Who Called?

Last night I finished another book called Moon Called that turned out to be the first of another frakking series.

And before anyone asks, I did not read it because of the cover. Point of fact it was a "stripped" book - I got from a friend that works at a book store (meaning the cover was torn off). Of course admitting that I now need to go buy the book (something I'm doing tonight, oh vicious literary lawyer-types)

Anyway, it's about a mechanic that can change form into a coyote. She's a skinchanger that was raised by werewolves and has interaction with the whole range of faerie creatures; vampires, gremlins, witches, etc. The world has just recently become aware of some of the fae, but not all. It made for an interesting twist to the werewolf/vampire story.

Really the book was entertaining, if not spectacular. So I'm definitely NOT recommending t to anyone (got that SS?) However, if you're looking for something light hearted and fun this may be a book worth picking up. The setting is wroth it on it's own, if you're into that sort of thing.

For the record this book had it's own ending, it wasn't until a few moments ago I found out it's the beginning of a series. However, it seems as though it may be a series that tends to have self contained stories about a single character - but we'll see.

Anyway, on to read I Am Legend, just because I want it ruined by the movie coming out...

Drive away ATM

Yesterday we stopped at my bank's ATM to make a deposit. We pulled up behind a car that had stopped so far away from the ATM the the driver had to get out of his car to put the card in. He then fumbled punching the keys and finally got his cash, all while on the phone.

We pulled up and and the first screen I see is, "Would you like another transaction?" It took me by surprise, because it meant that not only did the guy ahead of us not finish the transaction, but left the card in the machine. I ended it and tried to flash the guy down, unsuccessfully. Fortunately he only pulled into the lot of the 24 Hour Fitness about 200 yards away. My wife grabbed the card and ran over to him. He claimed that was the last time he got cash while on the phone, as if!

In any case, it made me wonder something. How many people would have taken money out without hesitating. Or failing that, at least hesitated and debated it.

I'm not saying that I'm a saint, by any means. I've done my share of things I'm not proud of, to say the least. Maybe it's just the crowd I hang with, but it seems that the people that would just take money are in the minority. They're just a better publicized minority.

Or maybe I'm a tad delusioned...

Doing the Time Warp

Among the latest slew of games I've picked up lately, was a game called Timeshift.

It's a FPS about a "highly respected physicist with a dark past" who steals a suit that allows you to control time. Basically it's Blinx with machine guns, rocket launchers and new age Nazis.

It's a beautiful game, the landscape is yet another post-apocalyptic wasteland (something that's very popular these days), but one that's nice to look at. At least until you get to levels where the main bad guy is spouting propaganda on ALL of the screens and radios in town. That gets a bit old, plus it's something we've already seen in Half Life 2, almost verbatim. In any case the visuals are amazing, especially when time stops in the rain - WOW.

The time control elements play nicely with a shooter game, but unfortunately it's not exactly a new gimmick. Tons of shooters have "Bullet-time" or "Slomo" sequences that allow you to kill 20 baddies before they can get a single shot off. Of course Timeshift does add the other two time features, stop and rewind.

These two powers are by far the most fun you can have with the game. I love to stop time, run up and steal Sergeant Red Shirt's gun. When I start time again, I like to wave as he looks confused about where it went, then shoot him repeatedly. I call it the Van Damme Maneuver, though if Timecop was more like this game, I would have loved it (rather than tolerating the first 10 minutes or so to see Mia Sara naked then changing the channel).

Anyway, the rewind function is fun too, but more restrictive in its usefulness. There are parts when rewinding time is the only way to get through an area. I would have liked it more if you could use rewind right as you die to get a second chance, but that's apparently too hard to program.

The AI is pretty impressive. The baddies will flank you, ambush you, or simply hide until you get tired of waiting, then blow you to smoking bits. However, for some reason the ones you pull the Van Damme Maneuver on, simply stand there looking around, and when you shoot them they simply crouch down. Seems to me I'd run away, fast. The "duck and cover" thing really doesn't work for anything - except nuclear attacks and volcanoes of course.

Bottom line? I like it, it's a great break from the buggy, lagg-tastic, sado-masochistic experience that is Hellgate: London. I almost wish the Techno-Gremlin Gods would come at night and delete all my Hellgate files and scratch the ever-loving crap out of the disc....almost....

Terroritis and me

I've been infected. Despite all my better efforts, the government's scare tactics have gotten to me.

Yesterday a gentleman and his wife came into the store who happened to be Middle Eastern. They were looking for a boat/marine shop. There was nothing suspicious about them, but those Ass Clowns in DC have apparently done their job admirably, because my first reaction was mistrust.

What the frak is that about? I know they were simply looking for parts for their boat, and thought we (as a dive shop) would be able to help them find a marine store. Pretty damned straight forward.

After that disturbing moment, I mentally slapped myself, HARD, and pointed them to the nearest store I could find. It made me start thinking though. I'd like to think that I'm not prejudiced in any way, but apparently I've been exposed to enough "Terror Threats" and terrorist warnings (See here and here) that I'm automatically suspicious of anyone of middle eastern descent.

I wanted to apologize to them and anyone else that this might offend. 'Cuz it sure as shit offends me...

Ad sense

Last night I saw yet another ad for a medication (the number of which may be a topic for another day). Anyway, this one was for Rozerem, a sleep aid. The ad has Abe Lincoln, a beaver and hard-hat diver telling the poor insomniac that they miss him in his dreams. I've seen the ads before, and actually kind of appreciate them for the creativity.

Last night was the first time I actually listened to the whole commercial though. I got a chuckle when they started listed "possible" side effects.

"Possible side effects include headache, drowsiness, fatigue, nausea..." etc, etc.

Really? A sleep aid that causes drowsiness and fatigue? Shouldn't this be the main effect, not just a side effect? If it is just a side effect, why would I take this drug when I could get the same effects as taking a Tylenol PM?

Of course this could be a side effect you feel the next morning. If this is the case, isn't that the same is if I hadn't slept all night? Again, why should I take this particular sleep aid? Maybe they're banking on the fact that insomniacs tend to be a little slower with their thinking.

I hate drug companies, they're a big reason our medical system is so screwed up. Pharmaceutical companies have buried more effective cures and remedies than the mafia has labor leaders. That's a rant for some other time though, must go "work" now...

Writing blind

As my wife and I were watching Cold Case tonight, I noticed something odd.

The serial killer picked up kids by playing a certain video game. One of the cops state the game is an RPG (Roll Playing Game). The character then explains that it's a game where players fight and the loser falls into a pit. To me this sounded like a fighting game, specifically Mortal Combat. Sure enough, they show the kids playing it and what game is it? Mortal Combat.

Do none of the writers play video games, or at least have kids that play video games? The only reason I can see to use a term like "RPG" is to sound hip and cool, since it had nothing to do with the plot. CSI: NY had an episode with an online RPG game that the killer was using to find victims. That one was so full of erroneous gaming jargon, and misused computer terms it was sad.

If you're going to try and use gaming to be cool, hire a gamer as a consultant. Anyone who plays games, or works with computers can see how inaccurate the writing is, which unfortunately detracts from the show as a whole. Don't writers research anything? I know that TV dramas aren't exactly accurate, but aren't there limits, or am I being way too geeky?

On second thought, don't answer that...

OMFG get a life

So a good friend's blog has been getting flamed from some loser that
s ccusing him of "stealing" his name. Here's the originnal post and then the 12 year old shenanigans that followed (here).

Basically this guy (hereafter called Asshat) is attacking my friend for stealing the screenname "DrHeimlich". This guy claims to be the only Evan Heimlich, get this, in the world. Plus asshat is getting extra upset because my friend has the gall to have the "doctor" before is online name. Asshat claims to have gotten his own doctorate and is offended that someone would claim to have a doctorate online when they haven't earned it. Anyone else sensing the irony?

It kills me that there are people with nothing better to do than spend all day flaming sites. Supposedly this person isn't even a pre-teen punk, which makes it all the worse.

I suppose I can't talk too much, I am sitting here this morning blogging, rather than accomplishing what I should be doing today.

Meh, Attack of the Show's on anyway. I'll do it all after that...

Orange Box

A couple of weeks ago I picked up the Orange Box game set. While Episode 2 was the main reason I bought it, I've only had a chance to play "Portal" so far (between Hellgate, 2142 & Timeshift, oh there's the marriage and work too).

Portal is one of the best and most unique games I've ever played. While technically a first person shooter,

Unlike Yahtzee, I do have a few complaints though. I still had the feel that this game was half designed for the console folk. While a couple of the puzzles made me stop and think for a few seconds, none were truly "head scratchers". I would have truly liked to have been stumped by a few of them, especially nearer the end.

Also, I may be in the minority here, but I'm not a fan of the Source Engine's physics model. It's a tad "lenient". Metal crates that are heavy enough to hold down a floor switch, but the merest nudge will send them spinning across the room. Most of the time, this isn't an issue, unless you have to build a little wall to protect yourself from gun turrets. If that's the case (Advanced puzzle # 7 - I think), one slight misstep and the whole wall will come crashing down, and you then get to restart the 10 minute process of rebuilding the gorram wall.

It's still an incredible game that I highly recommend to everyone. I can only hope that more installments of this game will be coming...

Ms. Novik, you are a very bad lady...

To continue with my last post, I finished Empire of Ivory last night.

My final recommendation? It's a great book with one of the worst cliff hangers I've ever read. I'd say it's a second only to Stephen King's ending to The Wastelands.

This is the first book that's really had an ending this bad (but in a good way). I still say read the others and wait for the next book to come out before reading Empire, but do so with your eyes open to what awaits...

Napoleanic-Draconic Complex

Over the last year or so I've been reading a series called The Temeraire. It's a great series about the Napoleanic War with a twist. In the books, numerous dragon species are used to create an armed branch of the military, the Aerial Corps. The dragons are basically flying battleships, with full crews to assist in battles. The books are both well written and seem well researched (though I'll admit to knowing nothing about the Napoleanic War - except there was a short ego-maniac trying to take over the world.)

The series follows the dragon Temeraire and his captain William Laurence thru their adventures in the war. The series has four books so far, with an unknown number in the series (which is why I can't really recommended it to friends, despite it being a great series - and worth waiting for...) I'm almost done with the fourth book Empire of Ivory, and while it's not quite as action-packed as its predecessors it's still entertaining. So the dilemma is that I want to share it with friends that like this sort of thing, but don't want to get yelled at, disowned or killed.

The main reason I'm blogging about this is that I just found out that Peter Jackson has the option for the film rights to this series. This was announced over a year ago, so nothing may come of it, and I'm not holding my breath - but still excited. These books scream to be made into a movie and Jackson has proven that he can accurately translate a book into a movie.

Anyway, it's a good read that I am most definitely not recommending anyone pick up, yet. Plus, the author plays Guild Wars - so she's got me sold as a fan...

There goes my free time.

I was convinced by a fiend...errr.. "friend" to try Hellgate: London.

What....A....BASTARD.......

The game starts with easily the coolest intro movie I've ever seen. It's amazing, and that's before you ever play a single thing - or even create a character. The basic storyline is that Demons have over-run the world in the year 2038.

Unfortunately, the gameplay graphics, while decent, don't begin to compare. Not that this is really an issue, there are a lot of games that have gorgeous cut scenes, but average graphics.

Hellgate: London is an action role-playing game. As such it's very much like any other RPG, go here to get my wooden leg, collect 8 of this item for me, kill 12 blood zombies for me, etc. etc. Basically an animated shopping list, and while it may sound that I have a dislike for this, I don't. RPGs have always been this way, and frankly, it works. That being said, it can get a bit repetitive, but what game doesn't at times? It's a great RPG.

The big gimmick of Hellgate is that multiplayer allows for up to 8 people to play cooperatively along the storyline - for FREE. Taking from the playbook of Guildwars, Flagship Studios created a game that can be both single players and have a great multiplayer aspect.

Or that's what was promised, turns out that free online multiplayer is available, but there's also a Subscription level that's available that offers enhanced gameplay and features. Basically it's a fleecing mechanism, designed to get you hooked then make you pay monthly to play. Not that I plan to pay any more than I have, this is a great game that works well single player.

I can deal with server queues and reduced game features, I just think it's a shady way to make some more money. I understand that running the online servers takes money, but Guild Wars does it on the sales of the games alone, why can't Flagship?

And to all those people that argue that charging monthly is just the way it is and people need to get used to it, I cry B.S. Just because companies are trying to start a trend does not mean we have to allow it. By consumers rolling over and accepting shady business practices is exactly how Microsoft and RIAA became what they are.

Of course I preach pretty loudly for someone who has already bought the game, but at least I can admit to being a hypocrite...

Addendum: - Upon trying to play today, there's a patch that needs to be applied that's taken almost 10 minutes so far. That's right, not 48 hours after release, the game needs to be fixed. I'm thinking the developers knew about these problems but released anyway. No wonder they need to charge monthly, they're paying incompetents to do their jobs...

Customer Quote of the Month - November

Customer on the phone, "I bought a watch there 2 years ago, and I need to return it."

Me, "Is there something wrong with it? We can absolutely send it back to the factory for service."

CotP, "No, I just want my money back. I want a Seiko."

Me, "You want us to refund your money after two years because you don't like it anymore?"

CotP, "Yes."

Me, " You'll have to talk to the owner."

For some reason we get requests like this all the frakking time. For some reason since we're a Scuba shop, general retail rules don't apply. This is like buying a Toyota, driving it two years, and wanting to return it for full value because you would rather have a Honda.

This job would be awesome if not for the customers...

Inconvenient to the Truth

A coworker turned me on to this website. It's an article written by Christopher Monckton, a former British advisor to Margaret Thatcher. The article is a refute to An Inconvenient Truth,
Al Gore's self-fellating movie about the global warming "problem".

When the movie came out, my first reaction was, "What the frell does Gore know about global warming?" and "This is a great publicity stunt for him." To which the answers are, "Jack-scheisse" and "Ayup".

I'll admit, I had no desire to see this film, and never have. I don't need a hypocritical ass telling me how I should change my everyday habits. After reading the above article though, I'll probably watch it now, with this article as a reference.

Anyway, Lord Monckton's article takes Gore's movie point by point. While I'm sure that this paper is just as right-wing as Gore's movie is left, the points it raises are good ones. As always I'm sure the truth is somewhere in the middle.

I don't mean it to sound like I don't believe in global warming, I simply don't know. As with all major controversies the facts get buried in political ideals and emotions. I can say that despite the claim of "undisputed facts" of global warning, there are a lot of disputed facts. By no means do all scientists believe global warming is an issue.

I still say it was a great move of Gore's to advance his career, no one can convince me he knows jack or shit about global warming, but suddenly he finds himself with a position in the British government.

And to everyone that argues "He must be right, he won a Nobel Peace Prize." I say, so did Arafat, and Hitler was a nominee. The Nobel Peace Prize is hardly more meaningful than winning an Oscar. Remember, the commitee that selects the winner is a whopping 5 people, hardly a fair and impartial group. Hell, President Bush received a nomination, as did Stanley Williams (founder of the Crips street gang) and singer Bob Geldof. For God's sake Bono got a damned nomination. Plus, let's look at who didn't win, Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Pope John Paul II and The International Solidarity Movement.

Bottom line? Gore's a self-motivated, publicity seeking asshat. Someone whom I'm apparently supposed to change my life for? Suck it Gore...

Best Costume Ever

I went to a costume party last night and this costume was the show winner (in my mind). Of course he didn't wear it long, since it was slightly cumbersome.

For those that haven't played Bioshock, it's a Big Daddy, the protectors of the little girls in the game (thus the doll on his shoulder).

For comparison, here's a pic from the game. Impressive, most impressive.

A friend tried to get me to see how many hits with a wrench it would take to bring him down, but I thought that may be a bad idea. He was a nice guy...

Overkill

I can only assume this is to prevent skate punks from grinding on the rail.


But it seems the silver nubs along the rail would have doen fine for that - the big loop seems unnecessary...

It's Grrrrreat!

The most awesome web comic strip ever!

Even if it is a bit twisted, but that's just part of the awesomeness!

I challenge everyone to name the cereals that are represented. Where the hell's the Elephant from?

Cashless? Shenanigans!!

The Visa commercials that show stores selling things in a smooth, choreographed motion make me laugh.

Not because they're amusing, in any way really, but because it's blatant crap. Next time you're at a store, watch and pay attention to how long it takes someone to pay with cash and use a credit/debit card. More often than not the approval, signing and completing the sale takes about twice as long as simply handing cash to the teller.

Maybe it's just me though...

Brokeback Dumbledore

To add to the controversy of the Harry Potter books, J.K. Rowling announced that Proffesor Dumbledore is gay last friday. This adds a lot of meaning to the parts of Deathly Hallows when dumbledore talks about Grindelwald.

While I applaud her for mixing it up with her critics, I have to wonder if there aren't ulterior motives.

Why didn't she out Dumbledore in Hallows? My guess is that it would have effected (affected?) the sales of her final book. Or is it her final book? Could she intentionally be causing more controversy to help her out down the road?

Hmmmmm....

Dropping the Ball

After all the hype of the Rockies going to the World Series, tickets went on sale this morning at 10am.

At least they were supposed to. Tickets were only available online, not at Coors Field, or anywhere else. Myself and a few coworkers decided to try and get tickets. With no luck after an hour or so, we assumed that tickets were sold out. After 2 and a half hours, the Rockies finally announced that their servers had crashed and only a few people actually were able to buy tickets.

I understand that the load on the servers had to be phenomonal (doo-dooo-do-do-do), but how can the Rockies IT department not expect that? The minute they announced this weekend that tickets would only be available online, didn't they do the math?

Colorado's population is about 4.7 million people. Since baseball is "America's favorite sport", let's say that most are Rockies fans (a big assumption, but fair when planning for a big sale like this). Even if half the people want to go, we're still talking over 2 million people. All trying to log onto their site at once. In terms of web traffic, that's nothing (Youtube.com claims to have 100 million videos viewed a day). Does anyone remember the election fiasco in Denver last November? Shouldn't a lesson have been learned there?

After a little further research. It looks like the MLB contracted a company called Paciolan to handle online ticket sales. Paciolan "experienced a system wide outage that is impacting all of their North American customers."

Hopefully Paciolan isn't head quartered in Denver. Sucks to be them right now. I have to wonder how many people took the day off to get tickets today and probably won't get any. I sense a large number of sick people tomorrow...

Eat this

Only in America.

I knew that eating competitions were getting more popular, but this is ridiculous. Who watches this crap? Is there really enough interest to create a League?

Those that participate are called "Gastric Athletes." Doesn't an athlete need to actually be relatively athletic? Even Baseball players need to be somewhat athletic.

Are we this hard-up for entertainment that we'll watch people stuff their faces as quickly as possible? Apparently so, considering all the reality TV crap that gets green-lit these days.

Though if I had to choose, reality wins every time. Does anyone want to watch the guy above "compete"?

Military Stupidity

I know it's old news, but I just heard about it. A year ago, the announcement was made to move Norad from Cheyenne mountain to a bunker at Peterson AFB, about 12 miles away.



The reason? According to this article, the commute was too long for the commander. Apparently the geniuses in charge feel that it's more important to have the convenience of a single location than to be pretoected from attack.



Anyone remember Oklahoma City? That was one crazy bastard, just think what an organized attack might cause. But wait, the command center is protected because it's - wait for it, in the basement. Whew, and here I was worried.



According to the announcement, Cheyenne Mountain will be kept in a stand-by mode. It should only take an hour to bring it back online. Yep, that's right, if anyone succeeds in an attack, we'll only be blind and completely defenseless for a gorram hour. Nothing could possibly happen in an hour right?



I need get my disaster plan ready...

When I wish upon a....Ew

I'll never look at shooting stars the same again...

Cashless

I know that our society is moving to a cashless one. Hell, I rarely have any cash, everything goes on my debit card.

However, I find it odd that even Monopoly is going "cashless". (link)

Any time companies screw with childhood memories I get automatically offended. Have we become so lazy as a society that we can't even count out change with fake money?

Probably...

Entrepreneurial Philatelists

With the last increase in postal stamps, the Post Office created the "Forever Stamp". Supposedly this stamp will be honored for any letter under an ounce forever, regardless of any future increases.

Makes me wonder if anyone has made an effort to buy thousands of these and hold on to them for a few years, thinking to make money reselling them for less than the USPS charges for future stamps.
After a little Googling, I found that a few people have had the same thought. Some guy bought $8000 in Forever Stamps the day they went on sale.

At first this seemed like a good idea to me. Postal prices have risen roughly 10 cents every ten years (9 cents 1997-2007, 10 cents 1985-1995, and 12 cents 1975-1985). Theoretically, the rate will stay about the same, so in ten years stamps will be about $.51. So $8000 of stamps nets almost $2K - about a 24% profit (I'll rely on Captain Math, AKA Snarky Old Guy to correct me if I'm wrong). Then I looked at what simply investing $8000 will get you in a basic savings account (at 3%) - about $2800 (again relying on C.M, AKA SOG).

Not a sound investment, and to further prove that I found this article. The article basically states that when inflation is taken into account, stamps are actually getting cheaper, because the rise in the cost of stamps is actually below that of inflation. So that shoots that get-rich-scheme right in the buttocks.

Can you tell it's a slow day at work???

Rockies del Fuego

They did it! The Rockies made it to the World Series for the first time ever!

Even more surprising is that I care about a baseball game! Call it jumping on the bandwagon, but I was excited last night. While I've never been a baseball fan (and never will be a true fan) I think it's pretty cool to see any Colorado team do well (I'd even cheer the Nuggets, albeit very, very grudgingly).

Especially a team that has won 21 of the last 22 games they've played. You could say that it's destiny. Though it is a Colorado team, so here's hoping they don't choke now.

I'm even tempted to look into tickets for the World Series. Then I remember that tickets will probably be thousands of dollars, and that it's still baseball, at which point I come to my senses.

On a side note, there are a surprising number of people that can't let the results of the Wildcard Playoff game against the Padres go. Matt Holliday may not have actually touched home plate for the winning run (a claim I happen to agree with). There's even a guy that created a website, www.hollidaynevertouchedtheplate.com (no link, no need to give this guy more hits). It's an entire site about how he didn't touch the plate, with video "proof" and discussions of the call. Talk about too much time on your hands.

Anyway, way to go Rockies. However, I refuse to add a "baseball" label to the blog. Plus, I'll still be cheering louder for the Avs tonight (and with that I can now use the hockey label)...

GABF

Last Thursday some friends and I went to the 26th Annual Great American Beer Fest. This is the biggest beer tasting competition in the country, with 1500 beers available to sample. Some were great, and some were less so.

This is the fourth or fifth time I've gone, and each year it's more of a disappointment. Don't get me wrong, we had a lot of fun, but it's simply not worth the cost to be there.

Tickets cost $45 each (for the cheap night), plus StickittoyaMaster's fee of $6 per ticket. I said it last year, and I'll say it again, (this time in writing):

This was the last time I'm going. $51 can buy a lot of beer and food at any bar or restaurant. In past years there was even a little bit of nudity, something that was missing this year (or at least I missed). Still the $300 that we paid to get in can buy a lot of beer at a strip club.

I do enjoy potentially trying thousands of beers, but the problem is that I can never remember which ones I liked, and which ones I couldn't spit out fast enough. Unfortunately the latter tend to stick in by brain, so when I'm at the liquor store I see the name and think, "I think that was a good one." Only to have a six pack of crap in the fridge for months.

Like I said, we had a good time, so I suppose it was mostly worth it, mostly....

Mixed Bag

For those not in the know, the Colorado Rockies are in the running for the World Series, and have been kicking boot-ay. Friday night the game went until 1 am or so, but they pulled it out in the 11th inning.

On a not-so-good note, the Avs made a poor showing. They lost 1-4 to the Blues. The reason they lost IMHO?

The frelling coaching staff keeps giving Theodore chances, and the results are always pretty clear, as we saw Friday night. Less than 2 minutes into the game, the Blues scored and set the tone for the night. What I don't understand was why "Three-or-more" (to quote Snarky Smurf), wasn't pulled, they didn't hesitate to pull Budaj after three goals. Yet they gave Jose the chance to give away more goals?

I know that the Colorado Staff feels the need to justify Theodore's huge contract, put it seems to me that if they keep putting him in, we'll keep losing. Wouldn't it be better to leave him on the bench and wait out his remaining contract (I guarantee no one will trade us for him), then drop his worthless ass.

On a better note, Saturday the Avs played again. This time they put Budaj in and, wait for it, we won! I suppose you could say that we were coming off a bad loss and were fired up. That may be partially true, but Budaj had a save % of .96, compared to Theodore's .826 (with almost identical shots against). Joe Sakic's hat trick may have had something to do with it too.

Bottom line, Yay Rockies, Boo Theodore, Yay Budaj, Yay Sakic...

Bless you Mars

Chocolate manufacturers are pushing to change the change federal standards of what chocolate is. Currently, any substitution of cocoa butter results in a product that cannot be called chocolate.

The industry wants to change this to allow up to 5% of vegetable fat to save money. Apparently this is already the limit in Europe, which makes me wonder about "Real Swiss Chocolate."

Anyway, Mars Inc. has stated they refuse to change the amount of cocoa butter in their chocolate. Yep those M&Ms will still have actual chocolate in them!!

Um, EW...

Those wacky Japanese scientists did it again. Introducing the next big thing in Biology 101:


Yep, a transparent frog. The point is to have a frog that doesn't need to be dissected to learn from. Of course that just shows the outer goodies, still can't see the deeper stuff. Nice thought, but the frog is still a lab project. Besides, according to the article, only 1 in 16 frogs end up with the transparency, plus it doesn't seem to be an inherent trait either. I don't see public schools fronting the high bill these would cost, not when regular frogs work just fine.

Genetics is a scary science...

Oil Spill Hilarity

Those wacky British:


Australian Senator Discusses Oil Spill - Watch more free videos

Congrats Joe

With the first goal of the game and assisting with the second, Joe Sakic became the 8th highest scorer of ALL TIME!!

The goal happened at, about 15 minutes into the 1st, allowing Joe to pass Bobby Hull with all time goals scored (making him 14th of all time).

The assist at about 19 minutes of the first period he passed Phill Esposito for all time scoring!

Keep it up Super Joe! Only 164 points to 7th place (11 more goals to get to 13th place of All time goals)! Piece of cake...

BTW, the Avs went on to win 6 to 1. Woot!!!

Halo More Underwhelming

So my friend and I finished Halo 3 a few days ago and I have a few things to add to my previous comments.

First, I second everything that Yahtzee has to say about it, with a few extra things.

Halo 3 is the same game as Halo. Sure there are new weapons and a couple of new (worthless) vehicles, but the game follows the same frakking plotlines!

Game begins with the station/ship that you're on being attacked - and you have to escape?

Your first goal after crashing (can you actually land a Pelican?) is to find other survivors

Sergeant Major Johnson gets kidnapped and you have to save him?

You have to find the "Cartographer" - a big map room?

You have to work with the "Monitor" -the master computer running the show, and pretend to be surprised when he betrays you?

You enter an area that, SURPRISE, the Flood shows up?

Your AI construct, Cortana, is taken from you and you have to rescue her?

You need to destroy the Halo device?

After causing the Halo to self-destruct you escape the station/ship on a Warthog, all while the place is blowing up and enemies are trying to stop you?

Did I miss anything?

How about lagging issues? I fully understand a PC game lagging - the developers have no idea what hardware I'm running. However, what justifies game lag in a console? The hardware specs are always the same, if something is too much for the system to handle it, TAKE IT OUT, or at least change something?

One other question, How can Master Chief fall from orbit and survive, but falling off a gorram bridge is deadly?

I understand that this game is mainly for the preteen multiplayers out there, but then don't market it as the "Next Great Campaign Game That Will Totally Make You Wet Your Pants and Forget About Your Life, Job and Girlfriend"*. As far as the multiplayer, there are much better multiplayer games out there - 2142 anyone?

Bottom line? Suck it Bungee...

* Paraphrased.