Heroic eggs and a quest for milk.

I've been listening to Neil Gaiman's Stardust and so far I like it, as I have liked all of his works. The audio book is unabridged, but I'm not sure it should be.

My biggest problem with writers like Gaiman (King too) is that they sometimes go a bit overboard with the details of the story. I don't need an entire chapter devoted to the description of the town, or house or whatever.

At one point I got to listen to a family's grocery list. That's right, I was treated to about 45 seconds of Neil reading a gorram grocery list. I know 45 seconds doesn't seem like a long time normally, but try it while someone is reading a list off to you - one that you care nothing about. Is that necessary? I'm all for adding detail to immerse the reader in the world of the book, this seems a bit over the top.

Is it just me, or does it seem that some writers pad their stories with crap like this? No matter how good the book is, I will always remember the frakking grocery list...

Spider monkey fingers required.

Drheimlich, this is for you:




I want to be there when you beat the final boss of Guitar Hero 3 on Expert - we could sell tickets!

YouTube Five

Two most awesome sites ever

Scrubs reference: toddtime.com Be forewarned - while I don't think this is NSFW, some coworkers may. At the very least you may get wierd looks.

AND

A legen...wait for it. How I Met Your Mother site: Slapbetcountdown.com - definitely SFW.

...DARY!!!!

Razor Sharp

Saturday night Battlestar Galactica: Razor aired on SciFi. It was an event I was extremely excited about, and as it turns out, should have been.

It was a prime example of the excellent writing and character development that we've come to expect. I found it interesting to go a little deeper into the workings of the Pegasus before it became a part of the main plot. Plus we got a few clues that make the season finally a little more meaningful (and more promised if I buy it on DVD)

I frakking love this show. Now I just have to wait until March...

Pre-caffeine Ranting

I know I've complained that the Visa debit card commercials are full of crap. I still think it takes less time to hand cash than to use a card (most of the time - assuming the teller can count).

I should amend my claim though. There's no choice between a debit card and writing a check. I was just at Starbucks and the lady in front of me ordered a slew of things then wrote a check. Good lord I thought I was going to die.

The staff took care of the 5 people waiting in line behind her in the time it took her to write the damned thing. Just to write it mind you, that's not including the hours it took for her to order. That was a whole other stress-filled moment of waiting.

Can you tell I was waiting for my first cup of the day?

Mist-taculous

After seing The Mist I can now stop worrying. The movie Rocked the Casbah!

I swear that some of the imagery was pulled straight out of my head. The filming is done in the same basic way the audio book was done. Even when the town's siren blows, it sent a chill down my spine - it was exactly like I remembered. While it's billed as a monster movie, the movie is more about the personal reactions of the folks caught in an unbelievable situation and that makes it shine.

If I have to nit pick I would say that the ending, while excellent, had a bit of a "What the hell?" aspect to it. This is major minor point though, if you've ever heard or read The Mist, I can't recommend it enough. Even if you haven't I'd still say "Definitely check it out."

For a more un-biased opinion check out DrHeimlich, he'll probably blog about it better than I can soon...

A plead to the powers that be

One of my favorite memories from high school is listening to Stephen King's The Mist in 3-D Sound.

It was never published as a book (that I know of), but produced as an audio production, and an awesome one at that. I remember listening to it for the first time in the dark alone, and it made quite the impression. While it wasn't necessarily scary, it left very vivid images of the story in my mind.

I can only hope that the movie that opens today doesn't totally suck. The clips I've seen seem great - almost torn directly from my head. I'm trying to not let that get me too excited though.

I may see it today, and I ask the P.T.B. to make it a decent movie and not Lucas my childhood with it...

Two good reasons.

I know I bitch a lot about my work. Believe it or not, I do understand how good I have it. I work at a frelling dive shop, how bad can it really be?

Actually not bad at all. Especially when I have days like Sunday. We had a film crew rent our pool for a couple of scenes. They were here for about 4 hours and were a great bunch of people. The day got a LOT better when the subject showed up though.

See the film was about mermaids, and we weren't talking Disney-esque mermaids. We're talking Ye Olde Sailor's dream-type mermaids. Granted, her top was painted on, but in a pool it really doesn't count for much.

Basically any day that I can see breasts and get paid to do it, is a good day at work...

Who Called?

Last night I finished another book called Moon Called that turned out to be the first of another frakking series.

And before anyone asks, I did not read it because of the cover. Point of fact it was a "stripped" book - I got from a friend that works at a book store (meaning the cover was torn off). Of course admitting that I now need to go buy the book (something I'm doing tonight, oh vicious literary lawyer-types)

Anyway, it's about a mechanic that can change form into a coyote. She's a skinchanger that was raised by werewolves and has interaction with the whole range of faerie creatures; vampires, gremlins, witches, etc. The world has just recently become aware of some of the fae, but not all. It made for an interesting twist to the werewolf/vampire story.

Really the book was entertaining, if not spectacular. So I'm definitely NOT recommending t to anyone (got that SS?) However, if you're looking for something light hearted and fun this may be a book worth picking up. The setting is wroth it on it's own, if you're into that sort of thing.

For the record this book had it's own ending, it wasn't until a few moments ago I found out it's the beginning of a series. However, it seems as though it may be a series that tends to have self contained stories about a single character - but we'll see.

Anyway, on to read I Am Legend, just because I want it ruined by the movie coming out...

Drive away ATM

Yesterday we stopped at my bank's ATM to make a deposit. We pulled up behind a car that had stopped so far away from the ATM the the driver had to get out of his car to put the card in. He then fumbled punching the keys and finally got his cash, all while on the phone.

We pulled up and and the first screen I see is, "Would you like another transaction?" It took me by surprise, because it meant that not only did the guy ahead of us not finish the transaction, but left the card in the machine. I ended it and tried to flash the guy down, unsuccessfully. Fortunately he only pulled into the lot of the 24 Hour Fitness about 200 yards away. My wife grabbed the card and ran over to him. He claimed that was the last time he got cash while on the phone, as if!

In any case, it made me wonder something. How many people would have taken money out without hesitating. Or failing that, at least hesitated and debated it.

I'm not saying that I'm a saint, by any means. I've done my share of things I'm not proud of, to say the least. Maybe it's just the crowd I hang with, but it seems that the people that would just take money are in the minority. They're just a better publicized minority.

Or maybe I'm a tad delusioned...

Doing the Time Warp

Among the latest slew of games I've picked up lately, was a game called Timeshift.

It's a FPS about a "highly respected physicist with a dark past" who steals a suit that allows you to control time. Basically it's Blinx with machine guns, rocket launchers and new age Nazis.

It's a beautiful game, the landscape is yet another post-apocalyptic wasteland (something that's very popular these days), but one that's nice to look at. At least until you get to levels where the main bad guy is spouting propaganda on ALL of the screens and radios in town. That gets a bit old, plus it's something we've already seen in Half Life 2, almost verbatim. In any case the visuals are amazing, especially when time stops in the rain - WOW.

The time control elements play nicely with a shooter game, but unfortunately it's not exactly a new gimmick. Tons of shooters have "Bullet-time" or "Slomo" sequences that allow you to kill 20 baddies before they can get a single shot off. Of course Timeshift does add the other two time features, stop and rewind.

These two powers are by far the most fun you can have with the game. I love to stop time, run up and steal Sergeant Red Shirt's gun. When I start time again, I like to wave as he looks confused about where it went, then shoot him repeatedly. I call it the Van Damme Maneuver, though if Timecop was more like this game, I would have loved it (rather than tolerating the first 10 minutes or so to see Mia Sara naked then changing the channel).

Anyway, the rewind function is fun too, but more restrictive in its usefulness. There are parts when rewinding time is the only way to get through an area. I would have liked it more if you could use rewind right as you die to get a second chance, but that's apparently too hard to program.

The AI is pretty impressive. The baddies will flank you, ambush you, or simply hide until you get tired of waiting, then blow you to smoking bits. However, for some reason the ones you pull the Van Damme Maneuver on, simply stand there looking around, and when you shoot them they simply crouch down. Seems to me I'd run away, fast. The "duck and cover" thing really doesn't work for anything - except nuclear attacks and volcanoes of course.

Bottom line? I like it, it's a great break from the buggy, lagg-tastic, sado-masochistic experience that is Hellgate: London. I almost wish the Techno-Gremlin Gods would come at night and delete all my Hellgate files and scratch the ever-loving crap out of the disc....almost....

Terroritis and me

I've been infected. Despite all my better efforts, the government's scare tactics have gotten to me.

Yesterday a gentleman and his wife came into the store who happened to be Middle Eastern. They were looking for a boat/marine shop. There was nothing suspicious about them, but those Ass Clowns in DC have apparently done their job admirably, because my first reaction was mistrust.

What the frak is that about? I know they were simply looking for parts for their boat, and thought we (as a dive shop) would be able to help them find a marine store. Pretty damned straight forward.

After that disturbing moment, I mentally slapped myself, HARD, and pointed them to the nearest store I could find. It made me start thinking though. I'd like to think that I'm not prejudiced in any way, but apparently I've been exposed to enough "Terror Threats" and terrorist warnings (See here and here) that I'm automatically suspicious of anyone of middle eastern descent.

I wanted to apologize to them and anyone else that this might offend. 'Cuz it sure as shit offends me...

Ad sense

Last night I saw yet another ad for a medication (the number of which may be a topic for another day). Anyway, this one was for Rozerem, a sleep aid. The ad has Abe Lincoln, a beaver and hard-hat diver telling the poor insomniac that they miss him in his dreams. I've seen the ads before, and actually kind of appreciate them for the creativity.

Last night was the first time I actually listened to the whole commercial though. I got a chuckle when they started listed "possible" side effects.

"Possible side effects include headache, drowsiness, fatigue, nausea..." etc, etc.

Really? A sleep aid that causes drowsiness and fatigue? Shouldn't this be the main effect, not just a side effect? If it is just a side effect, why would I take this drug when I could get the same effects as taking a Tylenol PM?

Of course this could be a side effect you feel the next morning. If this is the case, isn't that the same is if I hadn't slept all night? Again, why should I take this particular sleep aid? Maybe they're banking on the fact that insomniacs tend to be a little slower with their thinking.

I hate drug companies, they're a big reason our medical system is so screwed up. Pharmaceutical companies have buried more effective cures and remedies than the mafia has labor leaders. That's a rant for some other time though, must go "work" now...

Writing blind

As my wife and I were watching Cold Case tonight, I noticed something odd.

The serial killer picked up kids by playing a certain video game. One of the cops state the game is an RPG (Roll Playing Game). The character then explains that it's a game where players fight and the loser falls into a pit. To me this sounded like a fighting game, specifically Mortal Combat. Sure enough, they show the kids playing it and what game is it? Mortal Combat.

Do none of the writers play video games, or at least have kids that play video games? The only reason I can see to use a term like "RPG" is to sound hip and cool, since it had nothing to do with the plot. CSI: NY had an episode with an online RPG game that the killer was using to find victims. That one was so full of erroneous gaming jargon, and misused computer terms it was sad.

If you're going to try and use gaming to be cool, hire a gamer as a consultant. Anyone who plays games, or works with computers can see how inaccurate the writing is, which unfortunately detracts from the show as a whole. Don't writers research anything? I know that TV dramas aren't exactly accurate, but aren't there limits, or am I being way too geeky?

On second thought, don't answer that...

OMFG get a life

So a good friend's blog has been getting flamed from some loser that
s ccusing him of "stealing" his name. Here's the originnal post and then the 12 year old shenanigans that followed (here).

Basically this guy (hereafter called Asshat) is attacking my friend for stealing the screenname "DrHeimlich". This guy claims to be the only Evan Heimlich, get this, in the world. Plus asshat is getting extra upset because my friend has the gall to have the "doctor" before is online name. Asshat claims to have gotten his own doctorate and is offended that someone would claim to have a doctorate online when they haven't earned it. Anyone else sensing the irony?

It kills me that there are people with nothing better to do than spend all day flaming sites. Supposedly this person isn't even a pre-teen punk, which makes it all the worse.

I suppose I can't talk too much, I am sitting here this morning blogging, rather than accomplishing what I should be doing today.

Meh, Attack of the Show's on anyway. I'll do it all after that...

Orange Box

A couple of weeks ago I picked up the Orange Box game set. While Episode 2 was the main reason I bought it, I've only had a chance to play "Portal" so far (between Hellgate, 2142 & Timeshift, oh there's the marriage and work too).

Portal is one of the best and most unique games I've ever played. While technically a first person shooter,

Unlike Yahtzee, I do have a few complaints though. I still had the feel that this game was half designed for the console folk. While a couple of the puzzles made me stop and think for a few seconds, none were truly "head scratchers". I would have truly liked to have been stumped by a few of them, especially nearer the end.

Also, I may be in the minority here, but I'm not a fan of the Source Engine's physics model. It's a tad "lenient". Metal crates that are heavy enough to hold down a floor switch, but the merest nudge will send them spinning across the room. Most of the time, this isn't an issue, unless you have to build a little wall to protect yourself from gun turrets. If that's the case (Advanced puzzle # 7 - I think), one slight misstep and the whole wall will come crashing down, and you then get to restart the 10 minute process of rebuilding the gorram wall.

It's still an incredible game that I highly recommend to everyone. I can only hope that more installments of this game will be coming...

Ms. Novik, you are a very bad lady...

To continue with my last post, I finished Empire of Ivory last night.

My final recommendation? It's a great book with one of the worst cliff hangers I've ever read. I'd say it's a second only to Stephen King's ending to The Wastelands.

This is the first book that's really had an ending this bad (but in a good way). I still say read the others and wait for the next book to come out before reading Empire, but do so with your eyes open to what awaits...

Napoleanic-Draconic Complex

Over the last year or so I've been reading a series called The Temeraire. It's a great series about the Napoleanic War with a twist. In the books, numerous dragon species are used to create an armed branch of the military, the Aerial Corps. The dragons are basically flying battleships, with full crews to assist in battles. The books are both well written and seem well researched (though I'll admit to knowing nothing about the Napoleanic War - except there was a short ego-maniac trying to take over the world.)

The series follows the dragon Temeraire and his captain William Laurence thru their adventures in the war. The series has four books so far, with an unknown number in the series (which is why I can't really recommended it to friends, despite it being a great series - and worth waiting for...) I'm almost done with the fourth book Empire of Ivory, and while it's not quite as action-packed as its predecessors it's still entertaining. So the dilemma is that I want to share it with friends that like this sort of thing, but don't want to get yelled at, disowned or killed.

The main reason I'm blogging about this is that I just found out that Peter Jackson has the option for the film rights to this series. This was announced over a year ago, so nothing may come of it, and I'm not holding my breath - but still excited. These books scream to be made into a movie and Jackson has proven that he can accurately translate a book into a movie.

Anyway, it's a good read that I am most definitely not recommending anyone pick up, yet. Plus, the author plays Guild Wars - so she's got me sold as a fan...

There goes my free time.

I was convinced by a fiend...errr.. "friend" to try Hellgate: London.

What....A....BASTARD.......

The game starts with easily the coolest intro movie I've ever seen. It's amazing, and that's before you ever play a single thing - or even create a character. The basic storyline is that Demons have over-run the world in the year 2038.

Unfortunately, the gameplay graphics, while decent, don't begin to compare. Not that this is really an issue, there are a lot of games that have gorgeous cut scenes, but average graphics.

Hellgate: London is an action role-playing game. As such it's very much like any other RPG, go here to get my wooden leg, collect 8 of this item for me, kill 12 blood zombies for me, etc. etc. Basically an animated shopping list, and while it may sound that I have a dislike for this, I don't. RPGs have always been this way, and frankly, it works. That being said, it can get a bit repetitive, but what game doesn't at times? It's a great RPG.

The big gimmick of Hellgate is that multiplayer allows for up to 8 people to play cooperatively along the storyline - for FREE. Taking from the playbook of Guildwars, Flagship Studios created a game that can be both single players and have a great multiplayer aspect.

Or that's what was promised, turns out that free online multiplayer is available, but there's also a Subscription level that's available that offers enhanced gameplay and features. Basically it's a fleecing mechanism, designed to get you hooked then make you pay monthly to play. Not that I plan to pay any more than I have, this is a great game that works well single player.

I can deal with server queues and reduced game features, I just think it's a shady way to make some more money. I understand that running the online servers takes money, but Guild Wars does it on the sales of the games alone, why can't Flagship?

And to all those people that argue that charging monthly is just the way it is and people need to get used to it, I cry B.S. Just because companies are trying to start a trend does not mean we have to allow it. By consumers rolling over and accepting shady business practices is exactly how Microsoft and RIAA became what they are.

Of course I preach pretty loudly for someone who has already bought the game, but at least I can admit to being a hypocrite...

Addendum: - Upon trying to play today, there's a patch that needs to be applied that's taken almost 10 minutes so far. That's right, not 48 hours after release, the game needs to be fixed. I'm thinking the developers knew about these problems but released anyway. No wonder they need to charge monthly, they're paying incompetents to do their jobs...

Customer Quote of the Month - November

Customer on the phone, "I bought a watch there 2 years ago, and I need to return it."

Me, "Is there something wrong with it? We can absolutely send it back to the factory for service."

CotP, "No, I just want my money back. I want a Seiko."

Me, "You want us to refund your money after two years because you don't like it anymore?"

CotP, "Yes."

Me, " You'll have to talk to the owner."

For some reason we get requests like this all the frakking time. For some reason since we're a Scuba shop, general retail rules don't apply. This is like buying a Toyota, driving it two years, and wanting to return it for full value because you would rather have a Honda.

This job would be awesome if not for the customers...