Shyah...Right

I saw this ad in the bathroom at yet another local bar. What made me chuckle was the line second from the bottom. The one asking patrons to photograph the poster to get some pittance off the first class.

I don't know about anyone else, but I (normally) would never even think of pulling a camera out in the men's restroom. I know I did here, but it was because I happened to be the only one in there at the time. Which is why the photo isn't that good. I grabbed my cell phone and snapped before anyone could walk in, and I still feel uncomfortable with it.

I'm sure that it's a great way to learn kickboxing and such. However, if it's after you get your ass kicked for taking a picture near another man at the urinals, it's a little too late. It's certainly not worth the $20 or so they're offering.

Although part of me wonders, where does this rate in the list of men's room ettiquette? I'm thinking somewhere between selecting the correct urinal and "No talking"...

Ah, Phobias

I can't remember where I saw this, but this seems a bit overboard to me.

I get having antigerm stuff at the sink, or even at the door. But are there SO many people afraid of the toilet that a dispenser is necessary at the toilet itself?

On the other hand, I've seem WAY too many people walk out of the bathrooms without washing their hands. I suppose the more exposure we can get these people the better...

Purloiner PSA

My wife and I moved this weekend and one of the first things I wanted to do was change the locks. So we went to Home Depot to check them out. We decided to get the locks to the right (I know it's a bad picture but they're Masterlock's "Smart Key Locks"). We chose that particular lock because it can be reset by the user, no locksmith required. Sounds great right? Well, not so much - at least not if you want to actually secure your home.

I was thinking that you'd program the new lock internally, meaning the lock would have to be removed from the door and taken apart. Wrong. At the top of the directions, in bold lettering is "Install lock in door before training lock to key." At this point I assumed that the retraining must be done from the inner knob. Again, wrong.

No, to retrain this brilliance in engineering, you insert the key you'd like to work in the lock, then insert a little "smart key". This "smart key" is nothing more than a bent piece of sheet metal that slides alongside the new key. Voila! The lock is now retrained to whatever key you have and will now open the lock. Basically all a half intelligent thief has to do is spend $30 on one of these Smart Locks, take the "smart key" out and have a go!

Brilliant!

Addendum: So I was wrong - turns out the lock has to be unlocked first to re-train it. I'm still not entirely sure I'd feel safe with it though...

Customer Quote of the Month - December

Me to a man dressed in motorcycle gear, "Afternoon. What can I do for you?"

MDiMG, "I'm looking for a mask and stuff. You know, stuff to snorkel in."

Me, "Ok, right over here." I proceed to explain the gear.

About 45 minutes later after I had answered all his questions and picked out gear that fit him well. I ask, "That should pretty much do it. Is there anything else you need today?"

MDiMG, "Oh, I'm not getting anything here. I'm ordering it online. I just needed to try it all on. Thanks!"

It took every ounce of my willpower to not kick the SOB in the junk. I understand getting information, but really? Ignoring that we're partially on commission, wouldn't you think that an employee would want to make a sale for the small business he works for? Would you go to a restaraunt, sit down and ask the waiter about all the items on the menu and then say, "Thanks - the chicken pasta sound good. I'm going to go home and make it right now!"?!?

I am also aware that this probably happens all the time, and I get it. The internet is cheaper for a lot of things. But to have the balls to waste someone's time and then tell them outright that you did it intentionally?

Urge to kill rising....

Now in HD

I've decided that I'm going to start working on making this blog Hi Def. I have no idea how yet, but everything else is going that way so I might as well jump on the bandwagon too. HDTV and DVDs started it all, with radio following right behind.

This morning I saw a news story on the latest in liposuction surgery. Even liposuction is now jumping aboard the HD ship. That's right, hi def liposuction.

WTF? Do these doctors really think that adding a buzzword will make it sell better? I will admit however, it certainly doesn't sound like their using a vacuum on your ass.

And along those lines, I can't wait to get a Hi Def haircut...

Addendum:

Oooo Hi def magnets!

Bet you can't take just one

Lately I've noticed a another disturbing trend in drug commercials ads. Apparently getting people to take one drug for each "malady" just isn't enough. Tonight, during an hour long program, I saw two different ads for drugs to fix problems not already being fixed by the first drug.

I would think if a drug isn't taking care of whatever issue someone may have, they would stop taking it and try something else. I can't imagine adding another drug, with it's own side effects, would be the answer. I also can't believe a doctor would allow this either. I thought the "do no harm" thing was taken pretty seriously.

On the other hand, with the millions that Big Pharm dedicate to buying doctors, I can see the Hippocratic Oath going out the window. Apparently "oath" doesn't mean what it used to, if it ever did. Of course Big Pharm doesn't really care about our health, just the bottom line.

Here's hoping our new executive wunderkind can see this problem when he "fixes" our health care...

Customer Quote of the Month - November

A customer walks in with her 4 year old son, who happens to be wearing Batman gloves.

Coworker to Batman Gloved Tyke, "You like Batman huh?"

BGT, "Yeah, he's cool. But not as cool as Spiderman. See Spiderman's the goodguy and Batman's the badguy.

Coworker, "Really? Why's that?"

BGT, "They fight over the girls."

Coworker, "Why would want to fight over girls. Don't they have cooties?"

BGT, "Yeah they do." BGT then leans in and whispers, "But they also have BOOBS!"

A very long sword

After more months than I care to think about, I'm finally finished with the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind. Since I listened to the majority of the 11 books unabridged while driving, it's taken a while. I believe I've been working on this series for over well over 2 years, which speaks to the length of the books, since I spend a LOT of time on the road.

Overall it was enjoyable (obviously since I spent so much time on it), but not perfect. An epic story like this is never without its flaws and padding. While this series has nowhere near the padding as Jordan's, it does stretch things more than necessary. For example, overly convoluted magic discussions between characters that takes 20 pages is ridiculous. Any idea what, "The junction locked the azimuth to attach the proper parcels" means or what a "verification web from an interior perspective" is? Me neither and I actually read the damned series. I get the need to have certain magical effects explained to the reader, but listening to two characters debate the effect in extreme made up jargon is tedious.

Reading/listening to a series like this back to back does tend to highlight certain flaws in a writer though. Goodkind has a annoying habit of reminding the reader of certain prior events. Normally this is fine when the reader is being reminded of things that happened in other books. However, Goodkind apparently thinks his readers have the memory of a goldfish, since every book has multiple reviews of events that happened in the same book.

Despite these flaws, though, the series was pretty good. I became extremely invested in the characters, and there is some interesting social commentary there too. I have absolutely no questions about what Goodkind's opinions are on certain issues. There's a lot of preaching, which also becomes tedious at times. However, it's been especially interesting this year of all years. A lot of the themes are echoed in the current election.

Anyway, it's a little weird to be working my way through another book (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) after so long in the world of Richard Rahl. I'm very curious about the TV series that starts in November.

Customer "Service"

My wife and I recently purchased some baby furniture, and had to wait for Babies R Us to order the dresser. I was called on Monday and informed that the dresser was in. The woman who left the message stressed very clearly that the dresser was preassembled and I'd need a big vehicle to pick it up.

Yesterday I borrowed the shop's van and went to pick it up. I informed the woman at customer service that I was there to pick the dresser up. I waited while she paged the furniture department to get the dresser brought up. After a minute or so, the phone behind the counter rings. The customer service woman answers it, nods and asks me, "What kind of car do you have?"

"A van." I answer.

"What kind of van?", she asks, "We want to make sure it will fit before we bring it up."

"It'll fit."

"OK, but what kind of van? We just want to make sure it will fit before we bring it up."

"I swear it will fit. Can you just bring it up?"

"Is it a big van? The dresser is one piece and we don't want to have to take it back to the back."

"The van is fine, IT WILL FIT." I was getting a bit irritated by now. I mean the frakking thing is a dresser, not a fully assembled, king sized waterbed.

"Sorry sir, but we just want to make sure it will fit in your vehicle. We don't want to have to take it back to the back if it doesn't."

"I understand that, but I'm the one that bought it. I know what size it is. It. Will. Fit."

"Is it a cargo van?"

"Yes. I guarantee it will fit."

"OK." She replies, uncertainly.

They finally brought it up and sure enough, it fit with enough space for about 6 others. By this time I was so furious I almost left the damned thing. I get that some people may try to fit a dresser in the trunk of a sedan, but CHRIST. I think that what got me the most frustrated that it was a relatively small dresser. There's not a single van in the world this wouldn't have fit in. I wanted to go back and comment on the differences of male and female spacial relations.

Another thing that got my goat was that they brought it up on a dolly. So the inconvenience of "taking it back to the back" involves rolling the dresser about 100 yards. The horror! What happened to the service part of customer service? I know that the days of the customer always being right are long gone, but this was a bit ridiculous. Or did I over-react?

A great shower.

Saturday, my wife and I went to a coworker's baby shower, something I was less than thrilled about. Turns out it was actually my kind of shower. There weren't any corny games, or silly activities. It started with food and beverages (unfortunately the non-leaded variety) and socializing. There was a quick break for gifts and then the host pulled out Rock Band 2!

The rest of the shower was all about the Rock Band. It was a pretty cool change, one that made me glad we went. I of course stunk the place up, but at least there were a few that had played less than me.

I would have been more excited to go if I would have seen the invites:

Fantastic

This is just for DrH, it's another really cool flash game, with physics!. It's called Fantastic Contraption, and only check it out if you want to waste a few hours/days.

Gods I love the simple, yet entertaining games. Why is it these are free and yet the pieces of crap that are available are $60 dollars? Sure they look great, but a lobotomized capuchin can play it...

Finally

Finally, it's finally hockey season. Tonight the Avs start their season against the Bruins. While I'm excited that the season has started, I'm more excited for next Tuesday's game. We play the Flames, my new most-hated team.

Don't get me wrong, the Red Wings are playing too, and I'm rooting hard against them too. It's just that Bertuzzi blows goats.

RED WINGS SUCK!!
and of course the obligatory;

The Force is Weak

I'll state it for the record here and now; "I will never purchase a game on release date ever again (except maybe for Starcraft 2)." Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I've been working on my thoughts on Force Unleashed on the Wii. Unfortunately that charismatic, stallion-esque bastard Yahtzee beat me to it, but so be it.

On first impression I was pleasantly surprised to find the graphics weren't horrible, as I was led to believe the Wii version would be. Granted I'm sure it wasn't as eye popping as the PS3 or 360 version, but the game play seemed to make up for it. I (like Yahtzee) felt that a lighsaber game is what the Wii was made for right?

However, it turns out the SW:TFU (an unfortunate abbreviation, thanks Heimlich) is a lightsaber game that doesn't use the lightsaber. It's actually easier to use your Force powers and leave the lighsaber part alone. The lightsaber combat is actually quite irritating. Combining bad controls with the character's annoying habit of pausing in a cool pose after every frakking swing makes this Walrus a very angry pinniped. My vision of lightsaber duels comes from Return of the Jedi and even the Phantom Menace, blurringly fast attacks and parries. Not so here, Galen seems to assume that one swing is enough and the impressive pose will strike armor wetting fear into the remaining enemies. Maybe it's just part of the Sith training. Apparently the cool-lightsaber-brandishing-pose is the first thing taught to young dark side apprentices, and must be mastered before the whole lightning and choking thing.

In any case, this led me to stop using the lightsaber at all, and turn instead to the force powers. While there are a ton of different powers, the most used are the force-push and lightning. All the others rely on certain motions with the Wiimote and don't always work. So you're left walking through level after level picking enemies up and throwing them against the wall, with the occasional lightning attack thrown in. It get's kinda boring.

As far as the "new levels available only on the Wii" (like the Jedi Temple), they're great - the first time. Unfortunately I have been back to the Temple about 5 times now, and each time it's exactly the same fight. I know storm troopers aren't known for their intelligence, but after being thrown into the ceiling the for the second time I would call in sick.

Finally, the in game camera. Words can't describe how much usually I hate third person games because of the frelling camera. This game is a perfect example of how bad game cameras can be. If you're not being attacked by something just offscreen, you're running into something that explodes. To make matters worse, occasionally enemies respawn in a corridor you just cleared. It got to the point where I could only play for about 15 minutes before I was forced to turn off the game and walk away, ensuring my TV screen remained Wiimote free.

Bottom line is I would skip this, or borrow it from some poor sap that did get it. While the storyline seems decent, it's simply not worth the alternating aggravation and boredom of this version. Just another reason I wish Lucas would die in molten, liquid-hot magma.

Gods I miss Firefly...

Lego braaaaiins

This be the coolest thing I've seen done with Legos ever. These are shots from BrickCon 2008, the Zombie Apocafest:

It's an entire town overrun with wee Lego zombies, complete with a mall.

It also shows accurately shows the carnage in the mall. Again showing that the mall may seem like a good place to hold out, but it really isn't when the zombies attack.

I love the street with the Lego blood splatter. This is even more impressive when I think about how hard I have making a basic car with Legos...

All you votes are belong to us

I'm not sure what to think of this, other than someone has WAY too much time on their hands:

See more gamer videos at PWN or DIE

Seriously...

Therapy that works

I'm sure this has been seen before. I just think it's hilarious, and true!

Who wrote this?

Fidgit.com recently posted a list of the "Top 10 moments that changed video gaming forever". While there are a few on the list I totally agree with, some are arguable and others are pure crap. The list should be "Top 10 moments from modern games that changed videogaming forever."

I agree with numbers 1, 2, 4 & 5 (I even have to grudgingly agree with #10). However, number seven has no place on the list. While I enjoyed Bioshock, the "twists" were anything but shocking. Number 6 states the same thing as #4. Both are moments in a game that had nothing to do with gameplay. They were just showing off the technology of the time.

While I enjoyed Portal (one of my all time faves), the credits (number 8) didn't "change gaming forever." It was amusing and well done, but epic? Cake jokes aside, nope.

What about that first time you powered on your Atari 2600? Why isn't Pong on this list? How about the playing a Gameboy for the first time?

And worst of all, how can the following not be on the gorram list?
"You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here." Tragic, simply tragic.

I suppose that you could argue that the list isn't too bad, assuming it was written by someone that was born in the early 90s. Damn kids today, don't know how good they have it...

Customer Quote of the Month - October

Customer on the phone, "I'm a little lost. Where is your shop?"

Me, "We are about a mile south of Highway X on Y street."

CotP, "Well, I'm on Y street at a Sinclair station. Am I close?"

Me, "Um, you're about 200 yards from us. Look down the street and you'll see our big marquee sign."

CotP, "I'm looking down the street but I don't see anything."

Me, "Do you see the ambulance in the parking lot?" (Some of the folks from West Metro were next door)

CotP, "Yeah. Yeah! I see the ambulance."

Me, sighing"It's parked right next to our marquee."

CotP, "Oh, which one?" (There's only one marquee)

Me, "It doesn't matter. Just come to the ambulance, you'll see us then." I begin to pray that the ambulance doesn't leave.

CotP, "OK, I'll be right there."

I stopped looking for her after 2 hours and for the record the ambulance was there for about 30 minutes...

Wow

I have nothing to add to this...

Wake me when November Ends

Sweet Jebus I can't wait until November is over. As is the case with any election year (especially presidential ones) the ads are out of control. This year, though, seems worse. Maybe it's because the race is so close. Maybe because both candidates are more desperate to get into office than usual. I really couldn't say.

In any case, it makes me wonder how many people out there really are influenced by these ads. Of course every ad (for either side) states that candidate X did this, or didn't do that. How many people take the ads at face value, without considering the full story? How many voters base their vote on what they hear and see in advertising and not on individual thought?

Prime example; A radio ad came on today professing Mccain's support of stem-cell research and how much good that can do. Immediately following that was an Obama ad claiming his support for the same issue plus Mccain's supposed opposition to it. Hmmmm...

Frankly I probably don't want to know the answer to any of these questions. I'm guessing I'd either have to kill myself or hunt down all those that base their votes on political ads. You know, clean the gene pool a bit. While the latter would be a lot of fun, the former is easier. Or maybe I'll plan on spending the next 6 weeks drunk and immersed in a media free zone. Perhaps somewhere like Azeroth...

Belle

Kristen Bell was on The Tonight Show a while back, here's her interview. The best part is about 5 minutes into the clip. Snarky if you haven't seen it you need to ;)




"Shoot across the room", Giggity!

Best rules of our Lives

This was sent to me from a friend:



If only he could have used "September", then I'd have new lyrics to sing when I hear that damned song EVERY FRAKKING DAY...

Yeaargh

Being the worthless scallywag I am, I be forgettin' it's "Talk Like a Pirate Day".

Se here be ye notice of the grorg swillin' afternoon!

Verdad

A small group of friends went to Akumal last week (a little town south of Cancun). A good time was had by all, and many stories to tell. However this picture taken in the Cancun airport tells it's own story:

Nothing subtle about that!

Customer Quote of the Month - September

Customer looking at our masks, "I only swim, so I'm looking for something basic."

Me, "Well, these are all more for snorkeling and diving rather swimming. Of course, that you can't use them for swimming. Just with these, your nose is enclosed in the mask."

CLaOM, "It covers your nose? How do you breath?"

Me, "Um, your mouth..."

CLaOM,"Oh".

Frikkin laserbeams

Since my last technical project was relatively successful, I can't wait to try this one:




Laser Flashlight Hack! - video powered by Metacafe

Who doesn't want a handheld laser that can start fires. Now I just need some ill-tempered sea bass...

Time travelling pie thief

One of my most anticipated games from E3 is The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom, an indie game scheduled to come out this year (I hope). You control time (ala Blinx) in order to steal pies. Sounds fresh and puzzleriffic!



Hell, I don't even know what platform it's going to be on, but I want it. Hopefully it will be a PC or Wii game, but if not this may even be a console seller for me.

Sushi is a lie

If only I would have seen this about 3 years ago...

If you can't tell from the embiggened pic, its a sushi wedding cake. Looks like a layer of yellowtail, tuna and salmon covered in edemame. Tasty. Of course, this much sashimi would cost more than my wedding did...

Dumbocrats.org

A few days ago, my wife sent some comments to the Democratic party. Unfortunately she used her actual email address, which put her on their email list. And boy-howdy do do they use the email list. She's been getting 2 to 3 emails a day, all giving her the latest news from the DNC. Which may be interesting IF she cared about the DNC and IF we didn't live in Denver and hear about it on the TV constantly.

This wouldn't have been a big deal, except that it's frakking ridiculous to get off of the list. Sure, each email has an "unsubscribe" link at the bottom. This link takes her to a webpage that asks her to verify the email. The next screen then requires a 4 digit "confirmation code" that was supposedly emailed to her. The code didn't arrive for over 24 hours. When it finally did, the website claimed it was invalid.

Turns out, if the webpage requiring the confirmation code is closed, the code is invalidated. Basically this webpage needs to be kept open until the code can be entered, which is fine if the system actually sends the code promptly, but a day later is anything but prompt.

I have resorted to replying to every email with "For the love of all that's holy UNSUBSCRIBE ME." and spamming the webmasters with "Unsubscribe" emails until they finally take care of it.

I would ask the party how their candidates will be able to run the country when they can't even run a website, but I don't want this to start over again...

Icing mishaps

This blog was referred to me from Hotdrwife and is rather entertaining. It's all about bad cakes and questionable cake decorators. Maybe not your cup of tea, but I thought it was amusing...

Chanisms

I love the Onion and I love Jackie Chan. This article just makes me love them both even more...

Jackie Chan is using his "status as the world's most famous martial arts movie star" to teach kids that violence should only be used if you're making a lot of money to do it. Which is pretty damn responisible of him if you ask me.

My favorite quote: "If I have learned anything from my long and profitable career as a martial artist, it is that spitting a mouthful of industrial alcohol onto an opponent wielding a hot glass rod to make him catch on fire—even if it's being filmed for your smash hit, Drunken Master II—is wrong."

I couldn't have said it better Jackie. Hopefully your noble teachings will help reduce the violent tendencies of today's youths. I salute you sir!

Olympic Shame

My wife and I have been watching the Olympics fairly religiously. Mostly we've been interested in the swimming (Phelps is a frelling robot) and gymnastics.

The swimming was spectacular, and the US obviously did really well. I've also come to realize that I will never watch Olympic gymnastics again. Swimming is very definitive, the winner has a better time - pretty cut and dried. Gymnasts, of course, get a subjective score. The judges' bias inevitably shows through, especially this year.

The Chinese kicked ass at gymnastics this year, with a lot of help from the bad judging. How in the hell did the Chinese vaulter win a bronze when she didn't even land her routine? Gods I miss hockey.

Anyway, rant over. Now everyone can start questioning my manhood (Yes I still feel pretty)...

Grasping at straws

I've mentioned before that the shop gets a lot of porn spam. Our website is a second home to spambots, thus the incessant "Alissa Milano Naked" and male enhancement ads.

Recently the scope of the spam has taken a rather strange turn. Apparently since we weren't responding to offers of naked chicks, the bastards have changed tack and are now wanting us to check out a nekked Brad Pitt or Jake Gyllenhaal.

However, what made me post about this was the "See pictures of Kelsey Grammar NUDE" spam (insert ironic Sideshow Bob groan here).

The hell? Is there anyone that would want to see this? Not that I don't like Kelsey Grammar, he's a great actor and I suppose the choice could be worse, but still.

I'm burning the computer if I ever get spam for a "Nude Rosanne Barr"...

Yeee-HAW

I keep telling myself this isn't real, this was done as a joke. Jeff Foxworthy's got nuthin' on these folks...

Here's the slideshow goodness.

One more time for good measure: This isn't real...

Customer Quote of the Month - August

Customer that had just signed up his girlfriend for scuba class, "Hi, I just signed my girlfriend, Jane Doe up for class."

Me, "OK. What can I do for you?"

CthJSUHGFfSC, "Well it looks like the student kit doesn't have the binder it should."

Me, "That's because we've changed the kit we sell. In order to save you some money we are now using the cheaper kit. It's about $35 cheaper if we don't force you to have a binder."

CthJSUHGFfSC, "I did my class last year and my kit included a binder."

Me, "That's because we changed the kit for our students. This one is cheaper. If you really want a binder we have some for $25. You still save about $10."

CthJSUHGFfSC, "So this kit doesn't include a binder?"

Me (while pounding my head against the counter), "No. No this kit does not include the binder."

CthJSUHGFfSC, "Don't you think it should? Store Y includes a binder in their kit."

Me, "The kit you're talking about is more expensive, but you're probably right, theirs includes a binder."

CthJSUHGFfSC, "Well then I want to cancel the class and get my money back."

Me, "So you want to cancel the class here so you can go spend more money at another shop?"

Ok I didn't say that last part, but I sure as hell thought it. I ended with, "You'll have to talk to the owner if you want your non-refundable deposit back.

That's one huge case of officesupplyphilia...

Nice Planning

I have spent the last couple of days at the new University Hospital and have come to realize that the designers of the building were retarded. The biggest example of this is the helicopter "access". The local news did a story on this recently, but I got a chance to see this marvel of modern engineering personally.

For some reason, the designers decided that this brand new hospital building didn't need a helipad on the roof. So they built one in the parking lot. Did they choose a parking lot next to the ER? Nope, they placed it across the street. This means that patients must be loaded into an ambulance and then driven about 100 yards. Did they not know they were building a hospital that would be taking care of critically injured people? What dumbass thought that an ER department at a "state of the art" facility didn't need a convenient helipad? Apparently it was someone who hadn't heard of these new fangled devices called "helicopters".

Only slightly less irritating is that this 4 year old hospital is already too small. After waiting in the ER to be moved to a regular room for 19 hours, I had to ask what the hold up was. I was told that it could take 30 to 40 hours to get a hospital bed. Apparently the rooms are always full, so ER patients are forced to sit in the crappy emergency beds for up to 2 days! There are already plans to add on another tower to the hospital. Apparently no one thought to take into account that this new location is in a very populated area, with no other hospital for miles.

If you couldn't tell, I spent about 36 hours in hell Monday thru Tuesday and I'm a tad irritated about it. I won't even go into the nursing day staff...

Rocket Sox

I have no words for this, except maybe "I want!":



One more word: DUDE...

Update - embedded video should be fixed, if not link is above.

Irish for Bankrupt

A long while ago, a good friend and I lived together just down the street from a Bennigan's. One evening while a small group if us were enjoying Monte Cristos and Turkey O'tooles, the server approached and asked if we wanted to join the Bennigan's Club (or something like that). We all said yes and proceeded to fill the little sign-up sheets out. My friend, ever concerned about Big Brother, filled out a bogus name - Seamus Finnegan. I don't really remember the surname, but I definitely remember the first name, Seamus.

Anyway, "Seamus" turned in his card and we left happy and full. Not a month later that particular Bennigan's closed. Ever since, we have blamed "Seamus" for cursing that particular restaurant location.

Well, it took him a over a decade, but Seamus has completed his mission. Bennigan's announced yesterday that all company owned restaurants are being closed. Franchised locations will remain open, but the company is apparently devastated from the "Small, white lie" that Seamus perpetrated those many years ago.

For all those that suddenly find themselves unemployed, contact me - I know where he lives!

Sporeiffic

Spore is slated to come out sometime this year (hopefully). Maxis has already released a creature creator, allowing future players to create new lifeforms.

The cool part of this is that the creatures created between now and when the game is released will be included in the actual game. Apparently, these new creatures will populate your first world. As you play, some creatures will inevitably become extinct. When this happens, the creator is emailed saying that their critter is no longer!

Both sad and cool at the same time! I so can't wait for this frakking game...

Oh, the Bovanity!

I've stated before my hesitancy to jump on board the global warming bandwagon. Not that I don't believe in it, but that I feel it's just the "disaster du jour".

Anyway, these "scientists" and their "experiments" aren't helping sell me:

It's a backpack that traps the cows methane emissions, supposedly to study the impact cows have on global warming.

Hopefully these cows have kicked the cigarette habit...

Impressive.

Thanks to Roland, here's some people that have been very diligent in planning the inevitable attack from the undead.


View Larger Map

Best quote: "Heavily Fortified against invasion plus cafeteria makes this for one heck of a good stronghold. Assuming Arnold doesn't high-tale it out of town on a private jet when the horde comes, and you've got the Terminator fighting on your side as well.

Downside: it's right next to the K-Street Mall, which is a haven for Undead, and Capital Park will be crawling with them unless a good perimeter is set."

Nice...

Evil Tomat...Jalap...Oh screw it, just BE AFRAID

The great and terrifying Salmonella has risen it's ugly head again. This time "experts" think it's from jalapenos. A couple of weeks ago it was tomatoes.

Anyone else finding this ri-god-damned-diculous? Remember that this jalapeno "warning" came out weeks ago? I'm sure that pulling jalapenos from shelves now will help a lot.

Oh and this just in; Cell phones cause cancer - again. Nevermind that this was "announced" about 15 years ago. Anyone have cancer from cell phones yet? Didn't think so.

I hate the press...

E3 wrapup

E3 ended on Friday and this is lining up to be a pretty great season for video games.

Mirrors Edge is a unique game based on free running. When I first heard about this game I thought, "Great, what's next? A game about wogging? After seeing the game played, and reading more about it, I'm pretty excited about it. It's technically a first person game, but the emphasis is on athletics and evasion, not shooting. You can pick up weapons, but you'll be penalized with slower movement, the game encourages you to drop the guns.

Project Origin is a sequel to F.E.A.R. and looks pretty cool, if not very revolutionary. Although you do get to drive a mech!.

Of course there are two big titles that I can't wait for, Spore and Starcraft II. These look even better after seeing some more of the games. Now if they can both find a release date sometime this year.

Rise of the Argonauts also holds some promise for me. I've always been a closet fan of the Jason & the Argonuats movies (Sinbad too), so the storyline is right up my alley. Rise is about the Jason's mythical adventures. Gameplay seems to be similar to the God of War series.

I hate to say this, but I'm actually excited about the Star Wars: Clone Wars - Lightsaber Duels on the Wii. Please, PLEASE, PLEASE don't suck. The Wii was made for a lightsaber game, but that by itself won't make a good game.

Speaking of Star Wars games, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Force Unleashed. This game looks incredible and is also available on the Wii. Again, I hope I'm not going to be disappointed by LucasArts yet again.

Basically, tte rest of this year is looking to be a lonely one for my wife...

When stabbing just isn't enough

In the category of "Items I need to take care of that irritating Michael Stipe", I present the Wasp Knife:

It's a knife that injects compressed gas into the victim, effectively freezing the internal organs.

That should put a stop to the shiny, happy people. Sweet.....

Cookie Fishing

Arthur Benjamin is a "Mathmagician". He does some freaky-fast computations in his head. Knowing a few math majors I felt I should share this (thanks to Morgan for the link).



Obviously he's involved with satanism, since math is the work of the devil.

Alright Snarky, what in the sam hell is Cookie Fission (other than a great band name/website)?

Witwicky Sandwich

Yesterday the good DrHeimlich posted about a funny trailer on black20.com. While browsing the site and watching some of the other videos I ran across this (not to copy the doctor too much):



That's a great Optimus impression BTW...

Sweet Jebus, not yet!

Saw this in my neighborhood yesterday:

Urge to kill rising...RISING...

Fewer reboots of the OOS required

The other day there was yet another pharmacuetical commercial that I had to chuckle at. It's for some birth control that also inhibits a woman's period to once a quarter. Sounds great right? Going from 12+ to only 4 times a year, terrific.

What got me was the "Side effects may include blood clots, stroke and heart attack."

Um, excuse me?!? Being male, I know I'm treading in dangerous waters here, and I can only imagine what the difficulties of the menstrual cycle can be. However, is it really so bad to be willing to risk death?!?!

I would be worried about being killed in my sleep for wondering this, but I know there's only one woman that reads this. Fortunately she's also pretty cool, at least I hope so...

Share THIS road.

Today I was driving along Belleview where the bike path crosses the road. A group of bicyclists had stopped and were resting on the path, except two. Two of them were in the middle of the right lane of traffic. As I approached, they looked up at me and then proceeded to turn to each other and resume their conversation. They even had the nerve to give me a dirty look when I only moved out of the lane far enough to not run them over (probably a little closer than I should have been).

Also today, I was coming out of a parking lot and a biker turned in, heading right towards me - in the one-way exit lane. Again I received a dirty look because I didn't stop and let her pass.

Now, I have no problem sharing the road with most bicyclers. I understand that the pavement is softer and is easier to bike on than concrete. I get that, and most of the time I'm fine with it. I do, however, have a problem with bikers that believe they have the right of way at all times. I can't be the only one that knows that when a bicycle is on the road, they're considered a vehicle, and must obey traffic laws. More than that though, where's the consideration?

Or does such a thing exist anymore?

World Dance

Maybe it's just me, but this is pretty cool (if it's legit):


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

That's now my favorite dance. I wonder if I can find a sponsor to pay for me to do a jig underwater around the world...

Second favorite to most hated

Well it only took a few moments for my second favorite team in the NHL to drop to my most hated.

The Calgary Flames signed Todd Bertuzzi today, an act that a lot of Flames fans are understandably upset about.

Of course I could make the argument that this thug has no business on the ice, but what makes me more frustrated is that teams are still willing to give him a try. Why am I the only one that sees that he SUCKS. According to the Flames GM Darryl Sutter, "Todd is a proven scorer...", Let's see - 46 post season games with 9 goals and a whopping 40 points in the entire regular season. Yeah real proven scorer, face it Mr. Sutter, he's a has been that only got worse after his obvious criminal tendencies came to the surface in 2004.

At least his salary is dropping, but it's still almost $2 million. Maybe I should go break someone's neck too, seems to work out well.

To sum up, "Todd Bertuzzi is to hockey what Kevin Federline is to Rap".

Tap

This tops the LED faucets:



Apparently you adjust the temperature by moving your hand side to side. Tres cool. I expect to see one in Jackal's house soon...

Fin

Well I've finally finished the Eight Films to Die From, er For. Fortunately it seems that I saved the best one for last. Crazy Eights is a decent little horror film with some truly creepy moments, disturbing visuals and mostly a decent movie.

It's your standard "little dead girl is seeking retribution" story, but it works with this film. The film doesn't try to be edgy or overly gruesome, it's content to be a simple horror film and this makes it worthwhile.

It's been a long, long journey, but it's at last done. After looking back to all the films I now can understand why they were "Too disturbing for general release". No one should have to sit through all eight movies, it's just inhumane...

Hey, hey, hey, goodBYYYYYYYEEEEE

In the category of "Best News of the Week", I am happy, oh so happy, to say that Jose Theodore is no longer an Avalanche!

The Washington Capitals were good enough to take his worthless ass from us, and even continue to pay him. The amount they're paying him hasn't been disclosed, but IT'S NO LONGER US!!

The Avs signed Andrew Raycroft from the Leafs, for around $800K a year, a mere pittance compared to the $6 million we paid Three-or-more. Granted Raycroft isn't exactly a great goaltender, but a stump would do a better job, especially for a 87% pay cut. Add to that the fact Budaj is finally our official number one goaltender, and I'm happy.

I would like to add that I would love the shake the hand of whoever suckerd the Caps into taking Jose. That's some smooth talking there.

The truly sad part is that I believe Budaj's backup makes more than he does - Nice...

Customer Quote of the Month - July

Me answering the phone, "Scuba X Dive Shop, how may I help you?"

Customer on the Phone, "Hi we have a trip to Mexico in a couple of days and I have a question for you."

Me, "Sounds like a fun trip, what can I answer?"

CotP, "Do you know if any of the shops down there sell neoprene mask straps?"

Me, "Um....no."

How in the frakking hell am I supposed to know what a store in a foreign country does or doesn't sell?

Too Subtle?

Found this urinal the other day:



I'm not sure if it's trying to be phallic or just pointing to where I should pee, or both...

Hungry Blasphemy

A local Church sign last night:

The hell? I almost want to go to this church to see what the frak they're going to talk about. GREAT Rock Band name too...

Misfortune Cookies

I once had a "friend" who thought it would be funny to make a bunch of fortune cookies with bad advice and horrible futures instead of the uplifting kind. I got this in my fortune cookie tonight:

Looks like she got her wish. Figures I'd get one of the first...

More Nightmarish Movies

At long last I've almost finished the Horrorfest. Over all, I can honestly say that I'm just fine missing this year's run of horror movies.

Nighmare Man wasn't horrible, it just wasn't good. Some of the dialogue was actually decent, but the over all movie kinda blew. It almost seemed as if the makers were trying to make a movie like Scream, one that pokes fun at horror movies in general, but didn't know how. Where Scream was a fun movie, this one bored me to tears. The movie has your standard "look at this pretty mask I found, it summons demons. Isn't it pretty?" plotline. Throw in some late night Cinemax aspects and you have a movie "unfit for general release". Not that this is really the case. Yet again the only reason I can see for this movie not being released is that it's just not good enough.

Tooth and Nail is about a post apocalyptic band of survivors running from a group of cannibals. Again nothing real redeeming here. Bad acting, bad scripting, cheesey special effects all lead to a crap movie. The best part is that it's only 90 minutes long, a tad less with strategic fast forwarding. It's a sad thing when you turn off the movie and find yourself glad that Robocop is on. Here I thought Nightmare Man was boring.

If I didn't only have one movie left I would throw the towel in...

Fortunes and Debauchery

Well, we're back from Vegas. Dr Heimlich summed up the best part of the trip quite well, so I won't go into that too much. Except maybe to add that that insane winning experience totally jaded me with any other winnings I had (which were few and far between). Every victory, including decent poker winnings and other craps winning, felt hollow. Fun, but hollow.

I should also mention that the leader of the pack (the bachelor) went on that night to place $20 on a roulette table and win $350, Win $130 in penny slots ,won a $100 hand of blackjack and also walked away a winner at a $25 craps table (though a small winner). I'll refrain from any jokes about it being the last time he'll get lucky multiple times in one night.

My first night there was...eventful. Let's just say most of the night is a blur, up till I awoke at 5 am on the bathroom floor by the toilet - at least I made it back to the correct room. Poor DrH had every reason that night to kick me out and make me sleep in the hallway...

This picture pretty well sums up the first night:

Yeah...There were ugly moments., but a lot of good ones too. At least that's what I'm told...

More "horror"

After finishing Borderlands, the next movie on my list of the Horrorfest, I'm happy to report that my expectations have been met, mostly. Third times a charm? This film actually has fairly disturbing moments, and is just generally creepy. This is most likely due to the fact that it's based on true events in Mexico in 1989. A drug cartel became involved in the occult, believing that human sacrifice would help with their operation by making them invisible and invincible.

Anyway, with the disturbing images and overall uneasiness the film causes, I can see why it belongs on this "too gruesome for release" list.

Lake Dead definitely has a few moments of frakked up scenes and also belongs on this list. Unfortunately, the movie blows goats. Take a little Jason Meyers, add a dash of The Hills Have Eyes stir in some incest and voila! You've got a Horrorfest movie, just not a good one.

Unfortunately this movie has nothing really new, poor acting and below average writing - miss it.

Unearthed wasn't quite as bad, but had no real redeeming factors either. Add to that the total lack of gruesomeness and it's a definite wast of time, though the main actor is pretty hot.

Not that that's a reason to waste 2 hours, usually...

Targeting Cups

For the last year or so, every time I've been in a Super Target, I've found an empty Starbucks cup lying on a shelf somewhere in the store. On one hand it makes me chuckle because it's been so consistent. On the other it's sad that people are this frelling lazy.

Anyway, it's become a game now. Who can find it first?


Try it, I guarantee you'll see them too.

Vegas baby!

Today I'm off to Vegas for the first time in over ten years. I'm sure I won't recognize anything, but it should still be fun.

Other than going out for a friend's semi-bachelor party, I have no idea what we'll do. I don't plan on gambling too much. The only game I'd probably play is poker, which I'd be playing with DrHeimlich. So basically I'll probably just save some time and hand him my money on the plan there.

I'm a tad afraid of the first evening we're there. You see, a couple of the servers that work at our regular beer night hangout will be there. Since they're both young and partiers, I'm seriously worried about getting alcohol poisoning within about 4 hours of landing.

So other than being broke, and hung over it should be fun, and at least I might be able to see the Vegas Hospital...

Subtitles and design elements

The other night I happened to be watching CSI:Miami, why I'm not real sure.

Anyway, they were interviewing a Cuban immigrant who was speaking Spanish. The producers subtitled it in a way that required a comment.

The words were moving around the screen, with some of them growing while others shrank. It was the strangest thing I've seen in a while and seemed to serve no purpose. At first I thought it may be hints to the rest of the investigation, but I don't think so.

I can only assume it was a "design element" and the damned director/producer thought it looked edgy. I can only assume I'll soon get a lame ass comment from a subtitle "expert"...

Bloxy with Moxy

A few weeks ago I picked up a Wii game called Boom Blox. It's a quirky little game that was created by EA and, of all people, Steven Spielberg.

In theory, its a simple puzzle game. These simple puzzles though, quickly become surprisingly challenging (at least to get the gold star on). Because of this hidden challenge, the game is also surprisingly addictive. There are a few different types of puzzles. Levels involve shooting, Jenga-like puzzles, and ball throwing. The shooting levels are a tad boring, and aren't exactly flawless in funtion -especially with multiplayer. The Jenga levels are exactly that - Jenga. While these are a lot of fun, the throwing levels are the most fun. Basically there is a stack of blox that you must knock down with as few throws as possible. Some involve exploding blox, some vanishing blox, and others have "chemical" blox that only explode when in contact with each other. All of which add an interesting twist to an already eccentric game.

While single player is fun, the game doesn't really shine until you're playing it with others. Multiplayer levels offer both co-op and vs modes, and both are a blast. When playing with my friends, the favorite seems to be the castle mode. Each player has a castle that the others are trying to demolish with thrown baseballs. Think Warlords for the Wii.

This isn't to say that multiplayer coop mode isn't just as fun. Here the mode du jour seems to be the Jenga mode. The night we all tried it out, the sound of "ooo's", "aah's" and spirited screaming for the stack to stay upright could be heard around the block.

The game is easy to pick up and start playing and the Wiimote lends itself well to both the throwing balls and pulling blox (just don't try to pull towards yourself). Shooting is another story, single player works well but there seemed to be a lot of lag with multiplayer. It's possible, though that this is due to the setup at my house and not the game.

Bottom line, I can't recommend this game enough. It's good for everyone, from hardcore gamer to grandmas. While Wii Fit get's more of my time right now, Boom Blox is easily my favorite Wii game at the moment.

MVPs wear stripes

Well the Red Wings just won the Stanley Cup, and I have two things to say.

It's good to own the refs. The referees in this series did everything in their power to assist the Red Wings. I certainly hope that the league gives credit where it's due and includes the names of the referees to the cup along with the players'. That's not to say the Wings didn't play well, but I think the Penguins would have had a better time of it without the crappy one sided referee calls.

Secondly, the only reason they won tonight was pure frakking luck. The Wings' third goal was a fluke, and they knew it. Of course it still counted, but there was no skill on that shot. Add to that the lack of luck of the final Penguins' shot (that came within a fraction of an inch to tying the goal), and the Wings were blessed tonight.

Basically,

RED WINGS SUCK

"Truth" in review

"Metal Gear Solid 4" is due to be released soon (June 12 for those keeping track), and Konami has joined other publishers that have "asked" reviewers to omit certain details. Some reviewers have been asked to publish favorable reviews early, while asking negative reviewers to hold off after release date.

Konami has recently joined the ranks of the questionable by asking reviewers to not mention certain details of the game. While some of these things are understandable, certain character appearences and plot lines, some are not. Konami has asked that the mandatory system installation for the PS3 version not be mentioned, something that should be available to anyone who's thinking of buying this game. Also, Konami is requesting no one mention the excessive length of the cutscenes. Reportedly, some of the cutscenes are 90 minutes long!!

While I'm all for having a good storyline, 90 minutes? So you play for an hour or so, then are stuck watching a feature length scene before being able to play again? That's ri-god-damned-diculous. Possibly even more ridiculouos than editing reviewer before they've published they actual review.

Customer Quote of the Month - May

Me greeting a woman that just walked into the shop, "Hey there, what can we do for you?"

TtjWitS, "I'm meeting someone here in a few minutes. She's going to sell me her old gear. You don't mind helping me make sure it's a good deal do you?"

Me, "Umm....does it say 'Flea Market' on the door?"

OK, I didn't really say that, but I wanted to. What the hell? Would you arrange to meet someone at Best Buy to sell them your old TV?

Keeping Terror Alive

Recently news sites around the world have been posting this picture, claiming it is Al-Qaeda propaganda. Dailymail.com posted this site claiming, "This is the apocalyptic scene terrorists hope to create if they ever get their hands on a nuclear bomb... posted on an Islamic extremists' website yesterday,"

According to them, this site has been posted on terrorist websites showing what they view for our future. Yeah, nice journalistic research. This picture is from the upcoming video game, Fallout 3.

I wonder what terror level Destroy All Humans caused...

Tai Chi-chis

Found this DVD while looking for some beginning Tai Chi videos. Its Totally Nude Yoga and Tai Chi. That's right, somebody out there got their porn all over my Tai Chi.

Isn't Tai Chi is supposed to be a meditative and relaxing exercise? Somehow I find it hard to believe that any male would be able to relax watching this. On the other hand I'm sure it would be pretty easy to get my "chi" flowing.

My favorite part of the link above is a site dedicated to real martial arts. The review actually takes this DVD seriously, critiquing the postures and technique of the women. Something tells me that they kinda missed the point...

The Force is still strong.

The other day I was walking through a local Target and walked by a little boy that was humming the Star Wars theme. He then ran around the corner making lightsaber sounds.

While I'll be one of the first to admit that Lucas did a very poor job with the prequels, I still find it pretty cool that there are children today that still are obsessed with the Star Wars movies. I know I was sure that I could float things with my mind if I only focused hard enough. I too vowed that one day, I would own a real lightsaber.

I probably shouldn't admit this, but somewhere, there's a tiny little boy left in me that didn't totally hate the new movies. Were they horribly written? Yep. Should Lucas have had someone else direct? Absolutely, but I think they did the job of winning a new generation to the Alliance and that's kinda cool to me.

Fortunately no one reads this blog, so I don't have to worry about too much backlash for that. Plus I'm happy to announce that the new Indy movie was fun and didn't suck at all...

and NOW a warning?

The other night yet another commercial for a drug made me chuckle. It was for an arthritis medicine that I won't name. What amused me about this was that the ad didn't waste time telling me how great it was. No, it spent 60 seconds telling me that the benefits out-weigh the risks involved in taking it.

Obviously the side effects are serious and have been causing hesitation to take this particular drug. Any drug that needs to take that much time trying to convince me to not worry about the serious side effects, I don't need.

Have I mentioned I hate pharmaceutical companies?

Raptor Rhinoplasty

Beauty the bald eagle had her beak shot off by some asshole hunter a while back. She was rescued by the Northwestern Raptor Rescue. Recently an engineer volunteered his time to rebuild her a new beak. Pretty cool stuff if you ask me.

And the Oscar goes to...

Tonight the Red Wings won game two of the Stanley Cup Finals. Nothing like winning with help from the refs eh?

Anyway, I had to make a comment about their goalie, Osgood. I have never seen a hockey player with acting skills like him. Tonight Pittsburgh's Petr Sykora clipped Osgood as he was behind the net, barely. Osgood threw his stick, fell over backwards, arms flailing like he was hit by a semi truck. Of course Sykora received a Goaltender interference call. New hockey rules state that no one is allowed within 10 feet of Chris Osgood for any reason. I don't have a huge problem with that, except maybe the uneven reffing that the Red Wings have been blessed with this season. My problem is that any other player would be called for diving with embellishing like that, but Osgood, being a Wing is immune.

Osgood's thespian side had already been seen earlier in the period when he was bumped by Malone, and again Osgood flailed.

We saw the same thing in Game 2 of the Western Finals, Dallas VS Detroit. Everyone saw the slash that Ribeiro made on Osgood. It wasn't until later that it was apparent that Osgood speared Ribeiro as he passed the crease. In any case that incident was a prime example of Osgood's acting skills. Ribeiro hit him in the chest with his stick. While that may sound bad, bear in mind the padding a goalie wears, with the heaviest padding in the chest. Despite that, Osgood dropped to the ice and proceeded to role around as if he had been shot.

Don't get me wrong, I don't condone the slash, but I also think it was understandable. Ribeiro just had the end of a stick shoved into his face. I'd be irritated too.

Unfortunately the crappy refereeing has ruined this entire playoff series for me. I'm still rooting for the Pens, because...well...

RED WINGS SUCK!

Ho-humberry Street

I recently finished the second film on my Horrorfest 2007 list. This one is called Mulberry St. It's about a plague that breaks out in Manhattan. Not surprisingly, this pague turns the movie into a zombie horror survivor flick, sort of. They're not really zombies but something more beastial - and ridiculous.

Anyway, I found myself bored and awaiting the "over the top" graphic nature. Again I was disappointed. This film had fewer disturbing moments than Attack of the Clones. Unlike Deaths of Ian Stone, I didn't even really like this movie. It was a tad too "artistic" for my tastes. I found myself wanting to fast forward past all the artsy-ness, it really sdid nothing but slow the movie down.

I have to think the only reason this film didn't make general release was because it's really not that good.

Ah well, on to Borderlands...

Double tall heart stopper

Yesterday Starbucks introduced their "+energy" drink. Now, if that 4 shot latte doesn't have quite enough kick, you can have them add an energy shot too. Seems to me that if you're that groggy, maybe you should try sleeping more.

Apparently Starbucks is seing a decline in profits, a trend they relate to the increasing market of energy drinks. The answer? Offer an additional shot of energy and charging 50 cents more! That's the ticket!

I don't suppose the dropping profits have anything to do with charging $4 for a cup of coffee in the first place do ya? Of course who am I to talk, I plan on trying one tomorrow....

Fanta-TV

I recently found an decent way to waste some time online, if you can believe it. It's called TV Bigshot, and it's basically a fantasy league for TV shows. When you sign up you get $300 million to buy various tv shows that are or have been aired on network TV. After buying whatever shows you have money for, you earn points by how that show does in the ratings, among other factors.

The biggest deal is that the top player supposedly will win $100K. Of course the season is almost over so anyone joining now, like myself, is way out of the running. However, it's still kind of fun.

Here's my chance hopefully learn why TV execs cancel the best shows...